Will you c/c on this first draft poem called The Greatest Love?

It has been very long since I have written anything.


The Greatest Love (first draft)
by Victoria Tarrani
© 201203.07

No love compares to yours.
My heart lit with flames when we met.
I was studying The Word at that moment.
I said come into my heart my life is yours.
Please forgive my sins--those
I committed and those I shrugged off
not helping a person in need.

I forgive all who have brought me pain
in order to receive you.
I love you more each day
your Holy Spirit resides in me.
God within me with all the power
to heal and change as you wish.

Just three months ago, you saved
my life. My soul has always been yours.
If I waited and not gone to the hospital,
disobeyed you,
then in two more days I would die,
but you nudged me to go.
I would be dead without your nudge.

How can my love for any man,
woman, child or baby
compare to the greatest love
I will ever know.
It is your love for me, my Lord
my Savior, my God.
There is but one God,
and His love is enough
for the whole world.

In the beginning the Word was with God
the Word was God ... murdered on
a Roman Cross by God's people ...
You said, if I do not leave you,
I cannot send the comforter.

I am here when you want me.
I want to come home.
I've been there twice
and never wanted to leave,
but I tumbled through the
tunnel of faces and fell
into my body. I longed to
return; I still try.

I understand I am to share what I know
"There is life on the other side of the veil.”
.

2012-03-09T00:38:39Z

~~
I must have picked up baggage along the way.
The TD's are not from me.
I appreciate the glow I feel after reading all of your answers so very much.
Thank you for welcoming me back.
tori
~~~

2012-03-14T15:37:46Z

Every answer is very special to me, my friends. I'm still having a few problems, but I know you are true friends. May God bless you all.

I love your poem, Warren. Gene, thank you for the welcome back poem!

Ben, I truly value your critique.
~ tori

Ben2012-03-09T23:55:29Z

Favorite Answer

Like everyone else here, I am glad to welcome you back;. Now, there is a poem before us…

L1 unnecessary and makes L4 sound repetitive
L4 either put quotes around “come into my heart, my life is yours Please forgive my sins—those I committed and those I shrugged off not helping a person in need.” (I also put in a comma for you) or “to” before “come” or “for you” instead of “to”
S4 “How can my love for any man, woman, child or baby…” maybe it is me, but this just does not sound right almost egotistical or slave-ish especially since this statement precludes your own offspring
S5L3 I like
S6 “but I tumbled through the tunnel of faces and fell into my body.” I like
S7(?) Eliminating makes it stronger
What is missing, I noticed, is your signature imagery. You do have some images (I noted the best/my favorite), but there are so few of them, it might as well be a declarative speech.

Rosalinda2012-03-08T13:04:55Z

Hi, Tori I'm glad to see you. God takes good care of His people, I can relate to this beautiful story poem, Years ago i almost died of walking PNeumonia , i made it to the Hospital just in time , it was the Lord spirit that send me there, i was laying in bed refusing to go because of fear , thank God i went I stayed a week, if i have not listen to his voice, i would have being dead. Keep healing in His grace.

Warren D2012-03-08T12:57:30Z

I know;
I know God walks with me;
He whispers in my ear.

His loving hands
Shape my life.
With Him I know no fear.

My footsteps
On my walk of life
May wander all around.

But Jesus' love
And sacrifice
Keep me safe and sound.

My walk began
Seven decades ago.
Some day I know it will end.

But one thing
That made it all worthwhile
Was having you for my friend.

We've missed you, Tori. Hope your return is a small taste of things to come. God keep you safe and well.

Warren

Yesu Ben2012-03-09T11:16:54Z

I'm so glad to see you Tori. Now to read your poem (be back to edit)

.2012-03-08T12:17:40Z

So glad to see you back, to know you received healing. (Otteri's back!) Your write was a testament to the Holy Spirit and your faith. I loved it, Sister.
A friend, who's taking a theology class, asked me my take on the explanation of Love, as it pertains to God and Christian faith. I sent him the following:

The love God has for us was manifest in His willingness to take the sins of all mankind upon himself, to be the sacrifice that would cleanse them all. His very word says it all: 'God is love.'

The love we have and show to others, most especially when we are quiet about it or where no eye can see, can be illustrated with the following analogy:

We are each given a bottomless well and required to fill it with pebbles. Where the pebbles go are not our concern nor our business; it is only our continuous effort to fill that well that matters - even while knowing it is an impossible task.

When we have the Love of God in our hearts, the only thing we must remember is to gather as many pebbles as possible in the time we are given. When we stand before God, it is then we shall see how close we came to filling our wells. It is then we will see where each pebble went and know that each of them was counted by God, Himself.

Love is jumping on a grenade to save your buddies; it is allowing someone ahead of you in line at Walmart; it is a smile, a kind word, a prayer for God to bless another; it is both a word and a deed.

When we love God with all our strength, all our hearts, all our minds, we want to give to Him that for which He paid the highest of all prices; He died to save souls, including our own; He then asks so little of us - to do all we can to win souls for His sake, that His death not be in vain for those who do not yet know Him. They are pebbles in need of a well, and they are everywhere; we will have no excuses for not finding them. And if we truly have the Love of God and love FOR God, we will.

Thank you, Tori, and it is just wonderful seeing you again!

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