Can you hold your breath underwater very long? Can you improve this poem? Please read Casket Diving?
C.C. and/or comments are welcome. Most my poems are fiction basked on fact. Can you guess the one fact in this poem? There is a short "Authors Note" after the poem that I felt was needed to explain a couple points in the poem. As always, I thank you and appreciate your answers and stars. Thomas
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Casket Diving
My record; three minutes, twenty one seconds
Hold breath underwater success no fail
Swam competitively as each lung beckons
Win underwater we now take to sail
We all play the game or you are a loser
Sweeping the coastline finding shipwreck to start
Takes five minutes down under for end user
Longest time ever tried to stop our heart
That’s right, this is a game called Casket Diving
We’re a group of twelve beautiful love flowers
We keep living, but death our friend driving
Following rota surviving empowers
If you join us you may end up team mascot
Give us all you have you won’t need them no more
Object of game find submerged treasure casket
Return to the surface alive and you score
Determining winner depends on your time
The longer it takes to ascend the better
Bibelot and measure jocund and sublime
Today’s my turn hope to be record setter
.....And live another day
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Authors Note:
S4, L2 there is a double negative that is improper
English. However, to some, it is not, so I decided
to make it part of this piece. Plus, it rhymed.
Rota
For this group of kids, rota became somewhat of a
Cult for them. The ideal of performance and work
was abused and turned into a suicidal experiment.
See definition of rota.
Casket Diving
When the group would go diving each time, they would
call their game a different name. In this case, the
shipwreck was the actual Casket. Those who could hold
their breath an estimated five (5) minutes to return to
the top and live competed for the victory based on who
had the longest time and the coolest treasure absconded
from the shipwreck. Each person was giving a snorkeling
gear, which included a flashlight, and they also were given
a knife. No flippers. If a person did not make it back,
they were weighted down with rocks and taken back down
to the bottom of the coastal sea and left in the shipwreck
(the Casket).
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Glossary
rota- noun: roster of names showing order which people should perform certain duties
bibelot- noun: object: a trinket
jocund- adjective: full of or showing high-spirited joy
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My apologies for this, but by Shipwreck, I mean a sunken ship that is at the bottom of the sea wherever it was located, no a ship-wreck off of a rock or coral reef. I sort of messed up there.
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A few days into this poem >>> all really good answers. Thank you.
H.D.: Was there a metaphor? Perhaps; there is this life, and then what? What does it life matter?
Jupiter Joanne: I agree with you on mascot, but was having a difficult time finding a rhyme and almost changed both lines. Then I checked Rhymezone.com and it listed mascot as a rhyme for casket .... not a 'near rhyme' but a primary rhyme. Check it out. Thanks as always for your answers to my poems.
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Okay, I must relent, "mascot" sucked as a rhyme and Rhymezone should be sued over this, or at least we should get the CEO for one hour of flogging. lol TBO, I'll just call this a 'near rhyme' - after all, you are the master of the near rhyme. he he
That's to all for the great answers to a poem that brings back a lot of childhood memories.
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Roann (Bellis): Thanks for the cool answer. You could make a poem of that. Thanks for taking the time to answer several of my open poems. "preciate" you. Thomas
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Time to close this poem. I appreciate all who came to answer poem and star it. BA will go to a first time poster who needs some encouragement, and I am proud of them for what they had done to press on. Many are deserving here, just want you to know. Thanks, Thomas
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