At what age, or under what circumstances, should a young adult child living at home be expected to pay rent?

I'm asking the question in this category because some or most of you here have likely dealt with this situation.

My daughter works full-time at one job, part-time at another, and is on call for an occasional 'as needed' shift with a staffing agency. She is also taking classes (as her schedule permits ... right now, just one) toward her BSN degree, with plans to pursue a MSN and possibly continue her education beyond that.

She is 23. She makes good money, but has no real savings, as yet. She's no financial burden on us (pays for her car and related expenses, her college courses, and pays for anything she personally needs or wants), and we can easily afford to absorb the cost of the groceries, water, electricity, etc., that she consumes.

But she also does not contribute ... doesn't help with cooking or cleaning or home maintenance, and does not contribute to the family budget. She's busy, so I don't really expect her to vacuum the lampshades (!), but I think she could either be doing more, or paying something to live here.

I'm not trying to push her out, and to be honest ... I will miss her when she leaves. She wants to get her own place, but knows she's not quite ready just yet ... Any advice?

Thank you!

2013-03-30T13:58:13Z

I guess I overstated 'does not contribute' ... My kids have long been responsible for their rooms, their bathroom, their things and their pets. They've done their own laundry since they were wearing Garanimals.

I was referring to more general housekeeping tasks (empty the dishwasher, take out the trash, clean the basement, yardwork, etc.). It's a big house and a big piece of land ... takes a lot of time and work to keep up with it all.

And no ... my daughter is in no way 'princess-y', nor does she ever act entitled. She has worked very hard (2 and sometimes 3 jobs at once since age 16) and has always excelled at school. Aside from a bit of a tendency to procrastinate (which she *may* have inherited from mom!), she has an outstanding work ethic and is already well-established in her career. Extremely proud of this kid.

Husker412013-03-29T21:40:47Z

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I think you're doing fine. Cherish the time you have with her; she'll be gone soon enough. If you needed the money, I'd say, ask her to pay - but you don't.

My oldest daughter, a RN/BSN, has moved here from out of state before last Christmas. She was recovering from broken bones, has done so, and now is starting back to work on Monday at 8am. No way would I ask her to pay a penny. Besides, she has done tons of housework and yardwork while here. The place looks much better outside than when she arrived.

I'll miss her when she leaves for her own apartment.

Lauren2013-03-29T21:31:49Z

I think it depends a lot on your own resources. It sounds like she works hard, so if you do make her pay, it probably won't teach her any lessons on responsibility. Sounds like she gets that. I think it would be reasonable to expect that she cleans the messes she makes, including usual chores. I mean, she cannot walk around the place like a princess. But no, I don't think it's unreasonable to let her stay there rent-free if you can afford to as long as she is working towards building her life. You're her parent- she didn't exactly choose to be born. I might even suggest telling her to focus more on her education so she can graduate faster. Hopefully that will get her to a place where she can be independent sooner. If you have the means that is. This all changes if she suddenly stops trying I guess. It's reasonable to expect that she does something that will lead to her independence.

EDIT:

The idea that a person might never learn how to live outside the home simply because they weren't paying rent/board/whatever while living with their parents is absurd. You've already established that she is a good kid with a strong work ethic. Those are the things required to become independent once she moves out of the house. It doesn't take some magical extra thing that doesn't happen unless her parents, suddenly at the age of 23, charge her money. It's not some magical art form to pay rent. She'll get it. The only thing you have to be concerned with is setting up a long-term plan on when she will move out. Obviously, you don't want her to live there forever. But if there is a long-term plan, she's fine.

Mags2013-03-30T13:16:36Z

It seems that she pays out quite a lot on various other things from her earnings but she also needs to know that food and heating cost money so a small contribution should be being made. You should not request it but give her a rent book showing a small amount expected weekly to cover those two items mainly. It doesn't have to be a realistic figure but just to show her that these things are not free and this will help prepare her for the real world. At 23 she is no child and many of that age are caring for a couple of children and paying for all the needs that involves and rent and bills for some other home.

In the U.K. things tend to be done differently with parents bearing the brunt of college expenses etc. but by age 23 that is usually behind them and the young people here are self sufficient at that age

?2013-03-30T06:19:41Z

She sounds like a good kid. College is not cheap. If you can afford all this and be comfortable I guess I would let it go. But what you might suggest to her is after dinner ask her if she can do the dishes. Or if you do her laundry, say to her "I think it's time you did your own laundry."

When I was growing up my dad died when I was 17. I had to get a job. My mom was constantly hounding me to help pay expenses but I didn't make any money to speak of and I was working full time after I graduated plus going to college. I helped out a lot at home. I mowed the lawn and cleaned. She did the cooking. I think it's important your daughter help out at least.

Anonymous2013-03-30T02:03:54Z

Wow - what a great kid - it does not sound like she is home enough to eat or use the electric or water but to extreme minimums - but as you say, this is not really about money. Why rock the boat and make problems for her and bring animosity into her/your life?

she is working very hard at her chosen path - this is a good kid. I don't think she needs to be taught any lessons - it sounds as if you are successful and sharing room and board is not that big a deal for you. Would you prefer she dropped school so she can do the laundry and iron your clothes?

Lets say all this work has her a bit stressed on one particular day and she comes home to you making demands on her that should not be so important and a big fight ensues, all emotions and heat leads to despair and she walks out - is that what you want?

I know people here will disagree and want to teach her responsibility but this sounds like a kid who knows abt being responsible. Sure, call me a softy but I would ask her what she wants for lunch and be making her sandwiches to take to work if she were my kid - anything to help a hard worker, to make her life easier, I would do - I don't think you need the money or to teach her a lesson.

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