At what age, or under what circumstances, should a young adult child living at home be expected to pay rent?

I think you're doing fine. Cherish the time you have with her; she'll be gone soon enough. If you needed the money, I'd say, ask her to pay - but you don't.

My oldest daughter, a RN/BSN, has moved here from out of state before last Christmas. She was recovering from broken bones, has done so, and now is starting back to work on Monday at 8am. No way would I ask her to pay a penny. Besides, she has done tons of housework and yardwork while here. The place looks much better outside than when she arrived.

I'll miss her when she leaves for her own apartment.

I think it depends a lot on your own resources. It sounds like she works hard, so if you do make her pay, it probably won't teach her any lessons on responsibility. Sounds like she gets that. I think it would be reasonable to expect that she cleans the messes she makes, including usual chores. I mean, she cannot walk around the place like a princess. But no, I don't think it's unreasonable to let her stay there rent-free if you can afford to as long as she is working towards building her life. You're her parent- she didn't exactly choose to be born. I might even suggest telling her to focus more on her education so she can graduate faster. Hopefully that will get her to a place where she can be independent sooner. If you have the means that is. This all changes if she suddenly stops trying I guess. It's reasonable to expect that she does something that will lead to her independence.

EDIT:

The idea that a person might never learn how to live outside the home simply because they weren't paying rent/board/whatever while living with their parents is absurd. You've already established that she is a good kid with a strong work ethic. Those are the things required to become independent once she moves out of the house. It doesn't take some magical extra thing that doesn't happen unless her parents, suddenly at the age of 23, charge her money. It's not some magical art form to pay rent. She'll get it. The only thing you have to be concerned with is setting up a long-term plan on when she will move out. Obviously, you don't want her to live there forever. But if there is a long-term plan, she's fine.

It seems that she pays out quite a lot on various other things from her earnings but she also needs to know that food and heating cost money so a small contribution should be being made. You should not request it but give her a rent book showing a small amount expected weekly to cover those two items mainly. It doesn't have to be a realistic figure but just to show her that these things are not free and this will help prepare her for the real world. At 23 she is no child and many of that age are caring for a couple of children and paying for all the needs that involves and rent and bills for some other home.

In the U.K. things tend to be done differently with parents bearing the brunt of college expenses etc. but by age 23 that is usually behind them and the young people here are self sufficient at that age

She sounds like a good kid. College is not cheap. If you can afford all this and be comfortable I guess I would let it go. But what you might suggest to her is after dinner ask her if she can do the dishes. Or if you do her laundry, say to her "I think it's time you did your own laundry."

When I was growing up my dad died when I was 17. I had to get a job. My mom was constantly hounding me to help pay expenses but I didn't make any money to speak of and I was working full time after I graduated plus going to college. I helped out a lot at home. I mowed the lawn and cleaned. She did the cooking. I think it's important your daughter help out at least.

When my brother graduated college and was working at a job in his chosen field, he was living at home with mom'n'dad and paying no rent. He did pay for his own car stuff (although I think he got a discount via the parents' homeowners' insurance). However, mom did his shopping, cooking, laundry still and bro didn't pay for any of it. The boys in my family were never expected to do domestic chores. However, bro got really complacent about his living situation and I didn't think it was healthy so I dragged him with me when I moved cross country. It took him a while to get used to the idea that he had to now do for himself, no one else would do his laundry, no one else would pay his rent or buy his food, etc. He's a really sweet guy, just spoiled by mom.

Which is why I do think that kids over the legal age should be paying something towards rent, and if the parents are providing meals and other things, the child ought to be compensating in some manner--whether it be washing up afterward or doing all the food shopping or handing over part of their income. Because eventually, they will be out on their own (hopefully) and should already know how to budget, how to squeeze a dollar, and that nothing is free. Yea, your daughter is working hard and going to school, but she also needs to deal with her own living costs and responsibilities. If it helps you feel less guilty, put whatever money she may pay your for rent into a special account for when she does move out. You can present her with the accumulated money to put towards a deposit on a rental or whatever.

Wow - what a great kid - it does not sound like she is home enough to eat or use the electric or water but to extreme minimums - but as you say, this is not really about money. Why rock the boat and make problems for her and bring animosity into her/your life?

she is working very hard at her chosen path - this is a good kid. I don't think she needs to be taught any lessons - it sounds as if you are successful and sharing room and board is not that big a deal for you. Would you prefer she dropped school so she can do the laundry and iron your clothes?

Lets say all this work has her a bit stressed on one particular day and she comes home to you making demands on her that should not be so important and a big fight ensues, all emotions and heat leads to despair and she walks out - is that what you want?

I know people here will disagree and want to teach her responsibility but this sounds like a kid who knows abt being responsible. Sure, call me a softy but I would ask her what she wants for lunch and be making her sandwiches to take to work if she were my kid - anything to help a hard worker, to make her life easier, I would do - I don't think you need the money or to teach her a lesson.

Wow. I was going to say at age 16, as soon as they are able to get a job, would be the time to start charging a small amount of rent to get them ready for what is expected of them in the "real world". At 23, if you ask her to pay rent, & she knows that you can afford her, she'll probably get offended and upset. Why? Because she may not feel like she should have to pay rent at her parents house when they don't actually need the money. She'll feel like y'all know she's trying to get her own place and has no savings, so why would you all of a sudden want to start charging her rent? This is all speculation, of course, but it's how I probably would have felt had I been in the same situation. I was paying bills at 17 yrs old. I don't mean chump change rent, I mean working full time, had to drop out of school t work so I could eat, & was paying electric, gas and whatever else. It depends on if she's spoiled or not. If she's spoiled she'll probably not like it or understand your asking for rent. If she's accustomed to the ways of the world, knowing that we all must pay our way in rent & board then she may not have any qualms about doing so. If I were you, I'd just sit her down & say to her what you've said here. That you don't expect her to clean house, you know she works hard, but you think it's time she came to know what it is to pay her way.It's not about your needing the money, it is a matter of principal. You are her parent and being such you are responsible for preparing her for the world & how it works. She is an adult & adults pay their way. Period.

If you want to charge her rent just to get her to be responsible with her money (not because you need it) take it and save it for her without telling her. Many years ago I read a story that a young woman wrote about not having a washer-dryer in her home and using her mother's to do laundry, she was disgruntled because her own mother charged her $ for every load she did but admitted it was better than using a public laundromat, the machines were clean, the water was hot when needed, no need to worry about clothes being stolen, and she could relax with her toddler in the home watching TV while the laundry was being done. After a couple years of this her mother gave her a nice surprise, she had saved up the money she charged her and bought her a new washer & dryer of her own.

It sounds like she is trying to make something of her life.

You don't seem to need her resources.

If things change one way or the other, either she starts slacking at school or work or if you have financial problems later, then I would ask her to pay her way a bit.

Our son was unmarried and living with us at age 23. He worked since he was a teenager and was good at saving most of his money. He didn't learn to drive until he was 24, he took the bus to work or I gave him a ride.

He just wasn't interested in driving or dating at that age.

He never took drugs or got into trouble, he just wanted to work and not go to school.

We had offered to help him through his schooling but as he wasn't interested in schooling, we decided we could help him by not charging rent or keep.

We could afford to help him at the time , food for one more person was not an issue. He bought his own clothing and personal supplies.

He never cleaned the house either, I still did his laundry.

We didn't mind because he was trying to save and he was working full time.

Later he married and now of course is on his own.

Every family is different, we thought by not charging him we were just giving him what it would of cost us to send him to college.

I moved on my own at age 17, my husband paid rent at age 14, went to school 3 days per week and worked in a machinist job 3 days a week in communist Hungary. We both know what it is to work at a young age to to pay your own way.

Doesn't always make you a better person to suffer, if you can help your child then why not do so.

When the "child" is no longer a student, he or she must get a job. If there are no jobs available in the field he/she was educated to do, the child must settle for a different job. When the child has a job, he or she should pay for his/her entertainment, clothing, auto maintenance, car insurance, etc. If the child's income is adequate, he or she should also contribute toward the household expenses. (The adult child should also help with house and yard work, but that's another issue.)