What do you do when someone you thought was a good friend shows you they are not?
some one I thought was a good friend for a few years now just did something that has really hurt me. We are just friends, pow wow dancers and we made plans to go to a competition. I had my family members coming and I had the rooms reserved and made plans. Last week I asked if we were still on and he said sure thing. Thursday another friend calls to say that he cannot make it. That's it. He cannot make it. I had to tell my mom not to come out and then I could not get back the money for the hotel rooms, 48 hour policy. this was no spur of the moment thing, this event was and is the talk of the summer and we have gone and danced for years now.
Well my dance stuff was there at his house after the last pow wow so I would not have to bring it back again in 3 days. I say when I am coming to pick it up and he has this same friend meet me at the train and has my stuff all packed. I took the next train back and could not wait for this guy to leave.
I thought we were friends. I was his friend but I guess he was never really mine. I realize I have no claim on his time but I feel somehow betrayed. The friendship is over, That's my take on his actions and that is how I feel right now But it hurts because I really thought we were friends. It was fun dancing with him and I don't get much fun since my husband died. It is really my own fault for forgetting that you cannot depend on anyone and not really trust them either. The only 3 people I could ever really trust and depend upon, my grandmother, my mother in law, and my husband, are all dead now. This feels like a loss almost as great
Brenda2013-08-23T19:01:44Z
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I can understand your feeling as it was all too sudden or something. He didn't even extend to you the courtesy of an explanation as to why he was unable to go to the competition. In your situation, I would ask him what arrangements he is prepared to enter into in order to help recover the cost of the hotel rooms as it is an expense that you would find difficult to shoulder on your own. This will really test his loyalty. If he doesn't want to render any financial assistance despite the fact that you had no alternative but to cancel the hotel rooms, then it would only confirm your feelings of betrayal. In that situation, make no effort whatsoever to contact him again as it would confirm him to be nothing but a user. Also he seemed not to want to see you when you went to collect your things as he had made the arrangement for someone else to meet you with all your things packed and met you at the train. He obviously didn't want you going to his house for some "strange reason" for which he has also failed to give you an explanation. For me, i would accept the fact that he wasn't ever really your friend as a friend wouldn't treat you like that. If he has made no effort to contact you since this incident, definitely do not make any effort yourself either. If on the other hand he does contact you at some future time, just ask him outright if he is prepared to assist financially with the cost of the hotel rooms. Go out and make some new friends too. Good luck with this.
The fact he had to get another friend to tell you he could not "make it"and also get this person to meet you off the train, speaks volumes. The blokes obviously too cowardly and embarrassed to tell you face to face that he does not wish to be friends anymore. You should just be glad that he is out of your life is my advice on this issue. But I think you deserve an explanation if you have been "friends" for some years. Its very perplexing to not know a a plausible reason for this blokes behaviour. What did his friend say who met you at the station? Did he not have a reason why he was there and not your dance friend? I learnt long ago its not worth getting upset over anyone who betrays me, as a so called friend, and believe me I have experienced betrayal. Just put it down to experience and move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea (so to speak). I am a real pessimist and I do not put my trust in "anyone" now I am older and (hopefully) wiser about the way people can behave. My own Mother betrayed me, more than once! You can`t get much worse than that. I did not even go to her funeral after that. The only "friends"I trust completely are my dogs!!!! They are eternally innocent. Jmo.
I am a very casual person but over the years I have stopped dropping in on anyone and I want even my best friends to call before they come by, even if it means they are calling me while parking on my street and I have less than 2 minutes before they will be at my door. I would prefer to have at least 1/2 hour before they arrive this gives me time to put clean clothes on, make sure there is no food garbage in the kitchen, stack dishes in the sink, wash my face and comb my hair if there are not too many knots in it. There are some days when I don't want to talk to anyone no matter how much I love them. On the bad days I am in pain that won't go away. When in pain I don't like anyone and am unable to pretend to be friendly much less be able to show an interest in what is going on in my friends lives. I do not want to be around people I care about when I feel like this, nor do I want them to worry about me or feel as if I am no longer their friend. In my mind I am doing my friends and relatives a big favor by not seeing them that day, also depression is contagious last thing I want to do is pass it on to my friends.
As for this guy, I am guessing he has a new lady friend and does not want you around when he Is seeing her. You could have gone to the pow wow with other friends or relatives and danced in a group if you wanted. I know you wanted to compete but I am guessing that you were expecting more of him than he was willing to give.as a friend. Maybe someone was teasing him about you falling in love or something else not true. Too bad it happened when it did but it was probably just a matter of time anyway.
Sorry for being so negative, it is just what I see. Good luck to you, make sure you have several male platonic friends, try not to ask the same guys over and over for help. Years ago I decided not to ask my best male friend for help moving., he had moved me so many times and helped me over and over, he is getting older like me, it was time to give him a permanent vacation from moving me
I know exactly what you mean, and how you feel. The same type of thing happened to me several years ago and I still feel hurt after all these years. The man I felt was a very good friend, (no homosexual stuff here), was my art teacher for several years, and I thought he was my best friend, too. Where I came from, friends who were in the neighborhood, or just felt like seeing their friend, would just haul off and go see them, drop in unannounced, you know, we felt we would always be welcome. If they had something planned, fine, we would say, "howdy" and then leave, no hard feelings. But a time or two I'd drop by and he would not be there, so I'd just wait for him as his wife invited me in to do that. There was NOTHING going on between his wife and me. Where I came from, friends DON'T 'cut in' on friends wives! It just isn't DONE! But, one day he told me to leave and not to come back unless I called first-----this was a BIG INSULT to me (where I came from), so I left-----and NEVER came back. No body runs ME off and should expect me to come back, tail between my legs like a hound dog. I know that some people in some areas of the country feel it is only polite to call first before dropping by, but not where I was raised. So the moral of this story is, just ignore them from now on and seek those who will be REAL FRIENDS, not fair weather ones. (I always felt that he thought I was becoming the better artist than he, and he was getting jealous of me!). This has been over 40 years ago, now.