She's got total attitude. She's so smart but when it comes down to listening she just ignores me. She's not a bad child but she purposely does things that she knows is bad. Like she knows she's not allowed in the kitchen because she hides food and makes a mess. We have locks on everything but she gets past them. I've told her if she wants something just to ask but its like she wants to be big and do it herself. Which makes sense but everyday is a battl I've tried spanking. It does nothing and I feel horrible when I do it. And I only do it if its a bad day and she's just not listening at all and keeps doing it. I always give her 3 chances. I do the counting methood. "If I get to three you will get a spanking" and always follow through with what I say. She will stop but start again in an hour or so. I've tried time out, all she does is scream or wait for me to turn around and just run away, I've tried putting her back in time out time and time again but just gave up on them because it does nothing and she will also find ways to entertain herself like if I put her in her room with the door closed she climbs up the furniture and toys and does some dangerous things that scare me so I try to stay clear from it. I yell a lot and that's one thing I said I'd never do because its all my mom did. So how do I discipline her without having to yell? And what's something that actually works?
2013-09-13T18:57:53Z
Please read it all before you answer. I know its long but I hate getting comments that are clear that the person didn't read what I wrote. I've tried spanking. I spanked her almost everyday for two weeks. It does not work I'm looking for alternative punishments.
?2013-09-13T19:06:06Z
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First of all, take a deep breath. She is three and doing what three year olds do. Have you tried a time out chair in a boring corner?
Yelling only frustrates you more, she is tuning you out. And spanking doesn't work with strong willed children. Removing them from the situation and making life boring might work. Sit her in a chair facing the wall. Tell her over and over again in a monotone voice why she is being punished. Eventually she will get it.
I have to say that Zeldax64 pretty much hit it on the nose. Yelling doesn't work and it will eventually make the child fear you, not trust you. I have a somewhat little tantrum problem with my son(5). Taking away toys, television, and planned activities works most of the time. In today's world the technology is like gold to a child and nobody wants their gold taken. And yes when all else fails, then spanking. Discipline is important in a child's life and can be taught in many ways. Also, I can't stress enough how right she was on the coddling situation. You have to stay firm to your demands. It will gain you the respect from your child that you need. Be patient it does take time. Use as much positive reinforcement as you can when she does something right. Children get excited when praised for good things and will want to do the right thing more often to receive that praise. Keep you head up. You'll get the hang of it.
I have never heard of forbidding your child from the kitchen. That's ridiculous, let her be part of family life., at three she is old enough to know not to go in cupboard, but a safety lock on the chemical cabinet is a good idea.
You know what the answer is, time out. You gave up because you couldn't be bothered doing it. And a child's bedroom should never be associated with punishment. Give her one warning, "this is your warning, we don't do x it is naughty behaviour." If she does it again, put her in the naughty corner, one minute per year of her age, "Mummy is putting you in the naughty corner because you did not listen to mummy. You will stay here for x minutes." Then go and do whatever it is you are doing, if she gets up and runs away, put her back in the corner and restart the timer. Ignore her completely when she is in time out, apart from when you need to put her back in the spot. When she has done her time say, "Mummy put you in the naughty corner because you didn't listen to Mummy and you did x. I want you to say sorry to Mummy." Get a proper sorry, not shouted or anything, if you don't get one leave her there for a minute and come back and try again. Once you get your apology, give her a hug and a kiss and go back to normal like nothing happened. If you keep at it, it will work.
I don't know what other parents have said but I would like to recommend a book and a few ideas. Look up Dr. James Dobson's book the Strong Willed Child. My parents used it on us and we are currently reading it for my two boys.
My suggestions to try would be: start off calmly asking her why she did that. Make her think about it or give 3 reasons as to why she did something or even wants something. If she continues calmly remind her what the consquences are (make sure to spell them out whether it be spanking, timeout, cleaning up the mess, memorizing bible verse or whatever). Don't be afraid to follow through. (We do this exact same thing at home.) My last suggestion would be to attempt to only yell when necessary. My 2 yr old yells back just because I do. Sometimes I have to get upset but deal with it calmly and walk away from him. Then he chases me asking for help or whatever. I usually end up going to the bedroom and screaming into a pillow out of frustration.
You say she is smart, yet you aren't appealing to her intellect or her need to be involved
she is at such an impressionable age & all you are doing is forbidding her from being in the kitchen, trying to discourage her from developing skills, and yelling at her because she wants to do things
if she finds ways to "entertain herself" this is because she is not getting the physical or mental stimulation she needs
find ways to incorporate her into your daily life... 3 year old kids are great for helping with laundry if you can accept the fact that the washrags are not folded perfectly... they are great for "helping" to sort strips of bell pepper (that you cut) by size or shape to be put into the pot in selections of 5 matching pieces (who cares that this is not necessary to cook dinner, it gets her involved
go through magazines with her & ask her to point out things she likes... cut those out & put them onto sheets of paper... then let her put the papers in whatever order she likes & create a story to go with the picture... you play along & help create a story
you have no clear rules... giving her 3 chances to screw up only teaches her that the rules bend spanking rarely works... time out sometimes works better
I strongly suggest you stop looking for "punishments" and start looking for real solutions to address her needs (the root cause to her acting badly)
if needed, get with a child psychologist & learn how to work with, instead of against, your child