My adoptive father doesn't trust my birth mother?

My birthmother has been sick for quite some time and I'm not sure how much longer she will be around so my boyfriend and I planned on going to visit her around Christmas time and spend a few days with her. My adoptive mother had said it wasn't a problem and she was glad I was going to visit my birthmom, my dad however hold a grudge against her because she gave my adoptive mom and I place to live after my parents divorced. He's saying we can't go unless my adoptive mom goes with us because he doesn't trust her since she just got married and he doesn't know the husband and she has a history of picking bad men. My mom said she can't get off work to go. My birthmom brought up the point that my dad let me fly to Texas all by myself last summer to meet my sister for the first time with people he didn't know, why is it any different with my birthmother?
Does anyone have any tips on how I can talk to him about letting my go and visit her? I'm not sure how much longer she will be around so I'd like to see her. My dad offered to pay for a hotel here if she came without her husband and she got very very offended so I don't know what to do...

2013-10-27T11:05:40Z

Also, it's not that she won't come because she doesn't want to be without her husband, it's because her son will be in school and she runs a business so she's can pick up and leave, otherwsie she would.

2013-10-27T11:07:01Z

She also lives a little to far to meet up for the day. She's about 4 1/2 hours away.

Steve2013-10-27T12:03:27Z

Favorite Answer

Your dad's issue is with the unknown husband of your birth mother. He wants your adoptive mom there. It's unfortunate that she can't can't get off work but that's the situation.

Your birth mother's point that your dad let you fly to Texas by yourself to meet your sister isn't relevant. The difference between that trip and this one is his being aware of your birth mother's history of picking bad men.

Talking to him about it you would need to assure him that you would be okay in whatever sense he is concerned about. Since he has custody, what he says goes. The more he feels that you respect his decisions regarding you the more productive your talk will be.

01

Anonymous2013-10-27T18:03:39Z

I think it was kind of your adoptive father to offer to pay for a hotel room, so you and your mother can get together. I don't know why she won't spend just a few days without her husband. I think quality time with her daughter would be more important. Talk to him and try to think of another angle. Maybe she can meet you for dinner at a restaurant, without her husband present . If that doesn't work, tell your adoptive father you're really disappointed, but will let it go for now.

10

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