If my husband won't give up porn to save marriage, am I unreasonable or is he? Says he is willing to work on marriage won't quit porn?
2015-01-19T13:14:49Z
He is increasingly unhappy with marital sex. The pornography is raising his bedroom expectations to unreasonable heights and then blaming me for not satisfying him. He has ADHD, is a recovering drug addict, and no matter how much sex he is given, it's never enough. If once is good, twice is better, three times is even more better, 4th ..... So on and so on. This is how his addict mind thinks. Never satisfied
2015-01-20T18:14:42Z
Tomorrow 1/21 we meet with a marriage counselor. I'm so nervous
Kimberly2015-01-19T13:20:02Z
Favorite Answer
Um, no you arent being unreasonable. That sounds miserable. He also sounds unstable in general it isnt just the porn.
Id leave him and cite this reason for divorce: unreasonable sexual expectations
Okay, i think that as long as you watch porn, you have nothing to be complaining about. Seriously, the main issue is that you both do it, you both bring this evil into your marriage. Women tend to grow tired of it quicker than men do, and you will soon be tired of it yourself and will want your husband to grow tired of it too, but he won't, he'll continue, and that will, in turn, upset you and make you realize, "WTF have i done allowing this evil in our marriage?" The issue is not that he watches women that don't look like you and whatever, it's that this 3rd party is being allowed in your home and inbetween your marriage. It's virtual women / men coming between you and him. First you need to stop watching it, before you can comfront him about this - if you can't stop watching it, forget about this whole issue. If you can stop watching it, then you need to step up and tell him you want this to stop - set an ultimatum and make sure it's not just reassurance to keep you quiet. There are a lot of secrets going on in your marriage - and quite frankly i wouldn't take this "belated honeymoon" until you can resolve these matters as adults who love and respect each other. At this point, i see no love and definitely no respect for each other! You both are living like singles in a dorm room. Reevalute your priorities as a wife. Being a wife goes far and beyond being a good sexual partner. What do you want to bring into this marriage? Where do you see yourself 1 year from now? How much do you respect your husband and vice versa. Do you really and truly believe that allowing this evil will enhance the wellbeing of your marriage? Seriously, do you believe this evil will help your marriage thrive through the thick and the thin??
Porn can be no big deal, or a huge problem. Sure a lot of guys like to watch a little here & there. I'm guessing this is not the problem.
Some people end up w porn addiction or unrealistic ideas of what normal between the sheets activity is.
If your husband prefers watching porn over making love to you then he has a serious problem. If that is the case then you both need to get into couple therapy. And he has to learn how to overcome his addiction. If he is watching it daily there is likely a problem. I know a lot of single guys and they don't watch it daily.
You really have to open the doors of communication. WHY does he need the porn? Why does the porn upset you? Does he respect these reasons?
Porn can be harmless entertainment... A way to ad zest to your sexual relationship....or it can be a huge destructor of trust, self esteem and the intimate bond between a couple. Honestly the best thing would be for the two of you to see a councilor and take it from there.
Marriage therapist... now. They are trained to get to the basis of the whole thing, on both sides. They are also good at providing an even playing field for the two of you to "fight fair". Porn is addictive, just like video games. You mention that he already has an addictive personality. That he is blaming his addiction on you is very telling... classic addict behavior. If you are not comfortable rearing children in a household in which the man is not available to be a husband or father, then you really need to move on. Life is short.
Go ahead and pick up the latest do-it-yourself divorce guide for your state... it is a quick read that will tell you how to handle getting yourself free. It sounds like there won't be much of a fight. Heck, consider leaving it out in plain sight on the coffee table.