If my husband won't give up porn to save marriage, am I unreasonable or is he? Says he is willing to work on marriage won't quit porn?

Um, no you arent being unreasonable. That sounds miserable. He also sounds unstable in general it isnt just the porn.

Id leave him and cite this reason for divorce: unreasonable sexual expectations

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Okay, i think that as long as you watch porn, you have nothing to be complaining about. Seriously, the main issue is that you both do it, you both bring this evil into your marriage. Women tend to grow tired of it quicker than men do, and you will soon be tired of it yourself and will want your husband to grow tired of it too, but he won't, he'll continue, and that will, in turn, upset you and make you realize, "WTF have i done allowing this evil in our marriage?" The issue is not that he watches women that don't look like you and whatever, it's that this 3rd party is being allowed in your home and inbetween your marriage. It's virtual women / men coming between you and him. First you need to stop watching it, before you can comfront him about this - if you can't stop watching it, forget about this whole issue. If you can stop watching it, then you need to step up and tell him you want this to stop - set an ultimatum and make sure it's not just reassurance to keep you quiet. There are a lot of secrets going on in your marriage - and quite frankly i wouldn't take this "belated honeymoon" until you can resolve these matters as adults who love and respect each other. At this point, i see no love and definitely no respect for each other! You both are living like singles in a dorm room. Reevalute your priorities as a wife. Being a wife goes far and beyond being a good sexual partner. What do you want to bring into this marriage? Where do you see yourself 1 year from now? How much do you respect your husband and vice versa. Do you really and truly believe that allowing this evil will enhance the wellbeing of your marriage? Seriously, do you believe this evil will help your marriage thrive through the thick and the thin??

Porn can be no big deal, or a huge problem. Sure a lot of guys like to watch a little here & there. I'm guessing this is not the problem.

Some people end up w porn addiction or unrealistic ideas of what normal between the sheets activity is.

If your husband prefers watching porn over making love to you then he has a serious problem. If that is the case then you both need to get into couple therapy. And he has to learn how to overcome his addiction. If he is watching it daily there is likely a problem. I know a lot of single guys and they don't watch it daily.

You really have to open the doors of communication. WHY does he need the porn? Why does the porn upset you? Does he respect these reasons?

Porn can be harmless entertainment... A way to ad zest to your sexual relationship....or it can be a huge destructor of trust, self esteem and the intimate bond between a couple. Honestly the best thing would be for the two of you to see a councilor and take it from there.

Marriage therapist... now. They are trained to get to the basis of the whole thing, on both sides. They are also good at providing an even playing field for the two of you to "fight fair".

Porn is addictive, just like video games. You mention that he already has an addictive personality.

That he is blaming his addiction on you is very telling... classic addict behavior.

If you are not comfortable rearing children in a household in which the man is not available to be a husband or father, then you really need to move on. Life is short.

Go ahead and pick up the latest do-it-yourself divorce guide for your state... it is a quick read that will tell you how to handle getting yourself free. It sounds like there won't be much of a fight. Heck, consider leaving it out in plain sight on the coffee table.

There are steps you can take to actually build a strong, stable marriage and avoid divorce. Read here https://tr.im/AvoidDivorce

Here are some key steps to apply to your marriage:

- Start by understanding and being informed.

You can never be too informed about tools, methods and studies about building successful marriages. Understand the risk factors like your age and maturity at marriage can determine how successful it will be, the anatomy of an affair and what you can do after infidelity. Understand the success factors like the personal and psychological circumstances that will influence your marriage, what are the tools and approaches available to you in dealing with conflict, and numerous other relevant data. All this information is readily available to you whether through self-help material, through a counselor, support group or other venues. In fact, we have made it our commitment to provide these to you in different formats to help you make the best marriage you can.

The thing is, remember, this is information is not available for you to begin hyper-psychoanalyzing your relationship, yourself and your partner. It's not a matter of spewing trivia for the sake of conversation ' information is there for you to ponder over and internalize to help you transform yourself and your marriage. That includes maturing to such a point that you become more competent in your knowledge but more prudent in approach.

He's being honest with you which is rare. This falls into one of those grey areas. His porn habit is personal and doesn't involve you in any way. It's really not any different than a woman using a vibrator or imagining being with a different man in her mind. I understand why women find it offensive, but at the same time, it doesn't need to effect your marriage if it isn't effecting his libido with you.

Hey lady, just who the **** are you to tell him what he can watch? Well, I am waiting. You witches are all the same. You always want to demand and dictate but then always want to scream if anyone would even think of telling you what you can do. And worst of all you and the other cotton riders know that I am right but you just cannot be honest enough with yourselves to admit it. You bats think that killing your offspring by only your choice is cool or refusing to put the father on the birth certificate is fine. Heck, most of you are even fine with knowing a man is not the real father of a kid but making him pay anyway. And we all know it. And you think you should get to tell a guy if he can watch porn? If he smart, will just by another VCR and television and replace you. Reasonable? I have never seen a female be reasonable yet. No reason to think I would now.

While I agree that porn has a ton of ill effects, I can site dozens of friends who's wives are terrible in bed and have a low sex drive. You can never compete with porn while sporting those two attributes.

As long as it is understood from the beginning of the relationship that mentally having sex with others is acceptable. ..then it's ok. If it shows up later...after marriage we have an issue.

Informed Consent is respectful.

You're asking a bunch of teens, you're marriage is already over.