My sister in law is a very ungrateful person, demanding rude, very rarely says thank you - in fact, her own mother has to prompt her to say thank you! This person is 20, but has been raised very poorly in my opinion. So I'm struggling with the idea of, should I keep gifting to my niece? My niece is 1, and I have loved getting her gifts, but what I don't love is never being told thank you, or even getting a picture or Facebook message with my niece playing with or wearing her gifts. Then my sister in law will get demanding, and usually ask when I can send more items, etc. I'm honestly burned out, my SIL has been this way since I've known her. So should I stop giving gifts, or just do less personal thing like a card with a few dollars for my niece for her birthday and holidays? I hate to feel like I'm punishing the kids, but I have a feeling they will follow in the footsteps of their mother and be very ungrateful and constantly demading things. Help!
?2015-12-15T10:12:45Z
I don't think there is anything wrong with sending a niece you love and care for gifts for special occasions. Sending gifts constantly? Well, that's a bit over the top.
And it's not your niece's fault if she grows up without being thankful, is it? Some people are not thankful. And some people grow up in thankless families, but they turn out to be very appreciative people. Everyone is different, regardless what their parents' behaviors are like.
If you spend time around the child, and you see others doing things for them, you can let the child know it's a very good thing to say "thank you".... you know, you can be a positive influence, too
Sending money? Your sister will just take it and spend it, so if you want your niece to have something, send her the gift instead.
It's been 4 weeks since I mailed my niece a check (I mailed it with her birthday card)...and nothing. Even though I left a voice mail message, and sent an email to make sure she received it, not a peep. The check hasn't cleared, either. I'm tempted to put a stop payment on it! She is only 17 years old, but you'd think my sister could at least call me back and say she received it.
I'm more hurt than anything. But, I am tempted to only send a card next year. But, of course, I know I won't do that-- since it is her 18th birthday next year. I won't be sending a check or money of any kind, though, I can tell you that.
I agree, it's the last word in rude, but who are you trying to punish and teach a lesson. A 20 year old woman or a one year old child. It's perfectly OK to tell her that you are happy to give gifts but won't be supplying goods on demand. All you can do is your best with your niece. What happens to the gift after you send it is almost immaterial. For your own peace of mind, do what's right and you'll never have anything to reproach yourself with, and your niece can't either. Leave your SIL out of the equation. Ignorance due to lack of breeding is a terrible thing, but refuse to join her in hers.
OH MY I FEEL YOUR PAIN WE SHARE THE SAME SIL.....lol the beginning 22 years ago......I thought she was young and just didn't come from grateful family.
Sadly over time she created ungrateful children and my brother took the same ungrateful attitude.
I stopped giving, now your niece is young...I would resolve something small for Christmas and bd that is it....socks...a book....soon just a simple card will work sent in the mail...I would not send gift cards or cash. I would keep all purchases under..10 bucks..or less...
another idea is to open a savings account in your name for her...drop a few bucks in it for Christmas and bd.......e' never know but over time...like when she is 12...14...I would tell her what you did....I would continue to save till high school or college and help her buy something huge she needs...that she can buy and use...
my in laws were wonderful with a savings account they opened for the children...every holiday bd they would place money in the account ad send a card with balance..at 16 both children had over 4k and bought cars, used it for college later...see it adds up...
my sister in law is always saying begging or asking for one thing or another....her famous words "Give it to me"...."buy for me "....like when the house next door was for sale....lol....she'll never change....time has told us that...
the only thing I can change is what I do and how I give...so currently nothing is given. I think over the years....I might have gotten 3 gifts out of 100's for 2 children without one thank you...so I am done...they get a card if they are lucky.
you know if I could do it differently I think I would have been more demanding with a thank you....when she was asking for more....I would have said...grateful people always get more..i think I would have injected some snippets of advice...help her grow...
thankfully the dollar store can work for little things and be done with it...face it ...100 bucks or 2 bucks it will not matter to her.... for your bother I would do nice things for that he can directly use...