My husband, a few years ago, had a toe amputated by diabetes. He sometimes staggers as if he is drunk,and it truly is embarrassing to where I hate to be out in public with him. he is very manipulative ( I have discussed this before here) and so when i tell him I want to stay home,he gets mad and pouts and buys stuff he doesn't need and cannot really afford.Then gets mad at me for it. (It is called "gaslighting." He is passive-aggressive.So, when I tell him he is embarrassing me, he looks at me,wounded,and says I need to quit worrying about what others think. Should I smile and tell people he is drunk,just to get even with him, or what should i do ?
seedy history2016-04-03T11:51:55Z
Wow. My husband, when he CAN walk, walks with a lurch, has terrible balance, and makes all around him fill with concern. He uses two sticks. He can't get up from a movie seat without rolling onto the floor and rocking himself ... often takes 8 minutes or so.. to a point where he can steady himself and pull himself up. People ALWAYS try to help but he needs to be self reliant and his shoulders can't handle the pulling that strangers try to do to "solve" the situation. Some movie theaters have their "wheelchair" spaces on the front row where it's worthless to sit.
I've been embarrassed too. I'm way over it now. My husband usually uses a chair out in public but sometimes he tries to leave the chair in the car. There is always some encounter or another with the public when he makes that choice.
I am extremely proud of my husband. I admire his spirit, his strength of character, his determination to push himself and to do everything he can. I think him a remarkable human being.
My advice to you is to "get over" your embarrassment that your husband has a funny walk. Invest in a few very nice canes/sticks (hiking sticks are the best) and confront yourself on why you are ashamed. Why are you ashamed?
He might have to leave you if he's to continue to live an active and productive life.
You don't need to tell anyone anything. If he stumbles/staggers, he stumbles/staggers. So what? If he's not causing a public disturbance no one will really care. There are plenty of handicapped people in the world. I have a knee issue that causes me to limp sometimes. The only people who really notice, are people with a similar issue who can relate.
If you're that unhappy in your marriage end it and move on. When you start thinking about how to "get even", you're in a bad place mentally and it's not going to end well.
You tell your husband you're embarrassed over his health condition and don't think that's emotionally abusive? You're wrong. I'm sure the people around you can tell he's not drunk based on the other ways he's acting. Your insecurity shouldn't be a reason to shame him over something he can't control. Fix that and then work on his spending.
People already know that honey. I would not encourage drinking. Maybe if you did not, he would follow suit, or maybe he needs rehab. Alanon would give you a good place to discuss his drinking effect on you.
My father had the same problem but I am nothing like you...I go in public with him and I don't care what others think personally I think it's more you than him with the problem.