Does he who dwells behind the glass wherein I look suspect what he will find if he should wink? The kook he sees must right then wink - my other eye. Who'd think? Supposing I then trace with my right index finger clockwise loops in space - his southpaw circles linger with counterclockwise grace, quite complementary and yet contrarian, sincerest flattery with artful varyin'
In portrait, to my left, hangs she, beside our mirror, by whom my heart was reft - since then I've been joy's fearer.
Let mirrored me glance right, he would more than likely see some nymph whom he rebounded to since losing not one week to rue, leaning langorous on his wall - his joy, his flame or fleeting all.
Thomas2017-10-04T21:50:12Z
You set up the premise of your poem nicely, but when I hit the shorter middle stanza, my fears were made true.
Very good work, I enjoyed. This was mostly iambic trimester, not an easy task, at least for me, as it's a 'tweener' - not too short, not too long, but your cadence moved with a good beat. If you were shooting for all in sync, there are a few that were 8 syllable but no one said it had to be perfect, in fact, I think interspersing some mixed meter to convey what's in your heart is the sign of a good poet, and you filled the bill. Congrats. Thomas
The narrator`s inner reflections are made inseparable from the mirror`s tracings of them according to his moving before, and within it.From love to fleeting pleasure, then..Reflection. I find the twists and turnings conveyed to be reminiscent of all who...question, unceasingly, and this to be a fine fine poem.
I really like it! Editing with more punctuation will make it flow better!
Can she lean, "against" the wall, instead of, "on the wall", in the second last line? And I like an exclamation mark at the end of, "his fleeting all!" ...?
Does he who dwells behind, the glass, wherein, I look, suspect what he will find, if he should happen to wink? The "Kook!", he sees, must by rights ... "Then wink my other eye!", Who'd think? ...
Supposing ..... (Paragraph makes it easy on the readers eyes)( Nice to see you, Tommy!)xxx