Is it wrong to hold your child still when he is saying “let me go”?
My 6 year old was getting emotional over something silly. My husband grabs his arm to try reason with him and my son who is already emotional starts shouting “let me go let me go!” My husband holds him still saying “not until you listen”. It goes on like this for a while until I’m called upon to resolve the issue. I don’t agree with control and violence in order to get children to “shut up” when they are emotional. My husband says since it’s not smacking that it’s fine and he just “needs to calm down” (even though his method never works). I can’t for the life of me find anything about this apparent grey area when I google search. Can I have opinions on this one? Or if anyone read something about it or knows of a website they can guide me to? Would be lovely, as I’m just not sure.
EsidaraSun2018-08-01T10:18:28Z
Favorite Answer
You and your husband need to talk about your discipline method so that you are both doing the same thing. Based on what's been described, I'm with you on this one. An emotional six year old is going to struggle to listen, and there is a difference between holding a child on your lap or in a hug to help them calm down, and holding onto their arm. Both you and your husband using techniques to encourage your child to 'Ok, take a nice deep breath and talk to me about what's wrong.', as this will encourage him to talk about his issues and what's bothering him, and teach him that you will listen to him.
If your husband does the same thing when he's about to punish your child e.g. he takes their arm to put them on the naughty step, or whatever it is that you do, and does it when he's upset, he's probably worried he's about to be punished. Remember that while children aren't stupid, they aren't as able to see things from your perspective and can only go by your actions. Therefore an entirely different body language approach will be needed if he's upset, versus if he's in trouble.
Of course nto. A child needs to learn they can't and won't get thier way and needs to learn that telling a parent NO or telling them to let go will end in a well deserved smacking.
He says let em go so he can get out of trouble and run off and get into more trouble and keep at until he gets a smacking. All kids need to be smacked. They need it or they will become spoiled brats like yours
Your husband needs to learn to respect your son's boundaries. I don't blame the boy for getting upset when your husband grabs him, because being grabbed by an adult like that is SCARY to someone his age. And it doesn't teach him anything, other than to make him afraid of his father. Also, the average 6 year old has an attention span of about a minute, maybe a little more. Trying to lecture the boy or just trying to get him to calm down by grabbing him is only making the problem worse. A child that age doesn't have the maturity or reasoning power of an adult, and trying to reason on an adult's level doesn't work. Your husband needs to learn to THINK the way your son thinks, and not the other way around. From the boy's perspective, his dad only wants to hurt him or make him uncomfortable, and he already associates getting grabbed with punishment and pain. So your husband needs to take the hint and quit doing this. LET the boy get upset and get his emotions out. It's not going to kill your husband, or YOU, for that matter, if the boy cries for a while. Tears are a HEALTHY thing, and our Creator gave us the ability to cry for a REASON. HE knew that life isn't always kind or fair, and that sometimes, we need a way to relieve pain and stress, or to express sorrow or grief. And I might also point out that what the two of YOU consider to be "silly" may not be so to your SON. Kids think differently than adults do, and they have a very different world view. No child wants to be left out of things, nor do they want to be made fun of . They want to be accepted for who they ARE, not who people want them to be.
I think it depends on the situation. What would have happened differently if your husband hadn't held him? Just a bit of crying? Destructive behaviour? Walking away and refusing to listen?