My ex and I have two kids a 7yr old and a 4yr old. We were doing great at co patenting we even still lived together. Then one day 6 months ago he took the kids to daycare while I was at work came home packed his stuff up and moved with some chick! He has not talked to the kids since! He switched his phone number we can t get a hold of him. What should I do ? What should I tell my kids who are hurting so bad?
Anonymous
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Tell them the truth, say he has left. You do not need a man like that around who drops his kids for another woman. Make sure you get maintence pay and cutt him out your life and the kids lives.
Anonymous
while you think you were "doing great co-parenting" in the same house
YOU WERE NOT
best to say nothing to the kids , other than the facts he moved and I am not sure what is the matter with him -
leave it at that so that the kids do not hear you say one thing and in era upset them
blah blah blah support child's best interest
who he moved in with means nothing ,, you were not married in your heart
if you expected anything else? .,.. then I guess you have bad judgment
what to tell the kids... I made a mistake having children with him I was stupid and did not make him happy enough to stay with us. IT was my fault lets move on kids.
Of course you will not say that, your making them feel bad to get even with him
men are men and like a camp fire you have to keep adding wood to the fire to keep it burning you were pouring water on the fire and wonder why?
as you WERE NOT MARRIED but living together WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
if you take you bicycle to goodwill and some other women is riding it why are you upset?
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but but but WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?
using children as a weapon to beat him over the head does not make you noble
BUT there are plenty who will tell you how great you are ,, you go that way sure....
do not let facts get in your way
how bad did you treat him the past 7 years ?
Z
It really breaks my heart to hear your story. Makes me wish he was never a part of their lives and that you had told them he died in South Sudan rescuing refugees. Your kids do not deserve this kind of emotional trauma but, unfortunately, it has happened. And they will be heartbroken the day they find out that he is alive and well on this earth, but just chose to shut them out of his life AFTER having known them. Since he has shown his true color (that he doesn't really care about the feelings of his children or how his absence might affect them) and it is fruitless to try and force him to be a part of their lives (the courts can force him, but you can't really make someone do what he doesn't want to do), the best course of action is to ensure that he REMAINS OUT of their lives permanently. Children are emotionally fragile and an absentee father or one that comes and disappears as he likes, will cause tremendous damage to their emotional and psychological health (and you will be the one left holding the bag). Absentee fathers are the reason why we have women with low self-esteem ("daddy issues") and men with anti-social behaviour ("authority issues") in our society. So, for the wellbeing of your children and their emotional stability, you need to make some tough choices. You have to be ready to be both mother AND father to your children until a decent guy comes along who is ready to share the responsibility with you. Secondly, you have to be willing to lie to your children about their father's whereabouts. You would have to cook up a story about a mission he's undertaking abroad that will require him to be absent for some time, and send them loving letters from their daddy with a postcard or gift (which you will write by yourself), so that they don't feel abandoned by him. And you'll have to make up excuses for the reason why he's not visiting home or why he can't call them from a third world country (or occasionally pay someone to call and impersonate their father. Although I'm sure some would gladly do it for free). I would have suggested that you use his death as a reason, it is the easiest option, but there is a likelihood that one day he might just show up. Thirdly, you have to be very strong in keeping him out of their lives. You might have to take legal actions to secure this, because it is VERY important that he stays out of their lives - it is better than the uncertainty of his presence. In the meantime, you need to make sure your kids don't bump into their father on the streets, because that would be just devastating for them. Even if you didn't lie to them about his whereabouts, seeing him alive and well will send them a clear message that he just didn't want to see them.
All these suggestions might sound a bit melodramatic to you, but it's really quite easy because children love their parents very much and would rather believe that something very important took their daddy away from them than to believe that he could possibly abandon them.
If you're lucky, he might pass away soon and you'll have a genuine excuse for his absence in their lives, and they can mourn him and retain a memory of a father who loved them very much. That would do far more good for their psyche and the unsavory truth.
chris n
Oh dear. That's a difficult one. DON'T run him down to the kids EVER.(It always backfires). If they weren't aware that you and he had 'split' while you were all still in the same house, you should perhaps tell a white lie that he's working away and will be gone for quite some time but that he still loves them. (I'm sure he does). If they know you were having problems (the 7yr old probably does) - you could tell them that he has moved out for a while to give everyone some space to get used to a life without him around all the time - but imply he will be back to see them in due course. Meanwhile, you have got to track him down for money to support his children. He's shirking his responsibilities to THEM as well as to you. If you can get an address for him you could write to tell him how much he has hurt his children and how they are pining for him and if he has any love for them at all, he should at least play 'daddy' occasionally for their sakes. His family may well know where he is so you could get word to him via them. You shouldn't have to cope with this alone. Good luck
Barb Outhere
What you need to do firstly is find a Lawyer, to clarify what you legally need to do from this point. Is he still supporting you, the kids and the household or has he abandoned all? If necessary an Interim Support Order can be made while divorce is in progress.
He has abandoned you and the kids and now you need to do what you can to provide for all of you including filing for child support.