my ex has changed after we broke up?

Question

when my ex and I were dating he was obsessed with me, no one could get in between us, a simple fight would have him in tears, we would hangout every single day. he used to be very against drinking, parties, smoking, and if I did it it would turn into a fight. this was one big factor in the relationship that made me very upset to be controlled and I wasn’t having it. I broke up w him then gave him another chance, then a week later he brakes up with me. Shockingly starts dating our old good friend a day after, now is drinking with her, going to parties, vacation to Vermont and New Hampshire with his family,  their relationship seems like a fairytale. He used to talk about getting married, having kids, loved me so much and I knew he did the way he put me before everything. we dated for a year. I’m lost, I know he wasn’t cheating on me because we were inseparable every day, but the “friend” of ours was obsessed with him, and I was always worried about her being around him. but all together, why hasn’t he just taken time to himself, he started dating her a day after we broke up. we haven’t seen eachother since we broke up (2 months ago)

Janet · Answer

There are some relationship truths that you have perhaps not learned.

(1) ALL relationships have problems once the infatuation phase has died out.  This happens somewhere between the end of the first date, up to as long as 3 years into a marriage. But USUALLY the infatuation ends at about 1-2 years of dating.

(2) What we call "love" is usually ONLY infatuation, and what attracts us is the "high" of being infatuated. We sincerely believe this is for real, forever, etc .. but it is just our own temporary change in brain chemistry that makes us high. That is why you AND he believed his sincerity. What neither of you recognized is that this was just a STAGE that wasn't going to continue.

(3) When the infatuation dies out, the obsession dies out, the high dies out. And if the ONLY reason we "loved" the other was because we loved our "high", then when the high dies out, our "love" dies out too.  And since this all happens on a subconscious level, we may not even KNOW why we lose interest ... or we might make something up and believe it, in an effort to "explain" it to ourselves.

(4) Guys are not raised to deal with their emotions.  Some guys go to bed for a while. Some get drunk with their buddies.  MOST common is they go out and immediately find a replacement ... one warm body is as good as another for many men.

(5) It takes 4-8 months to get over someone.  And only if we refuse to dwell on them or be in contact with them.  You WILL think of him, and WILL miss him, but the more you turn your attention AWAY from that, the sooner you become free of the past with him.
He is gone. And even if he came back, the infatuation will not re-ignite, and the same things that ended the relationship will re-occur again, with the same result.
Let go and move on. He was NOT the future you dreamed about ...

A Hunch · Answer

WHY ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT THIS?
Your former boyfriend has decided he enjoys the company of this girl more than you.  
He probably dislikes the way you over analyze situations....

Why hasn't he taken time to himself?  BECAUSE HE DIDN'T NEED TO.  He decided to see how a relationship would go with this lady and so far he is enjoying it.  He has been going on vacation and parties.

my ex has changed after we broke up?

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