Do you think it's rude for the host of a get-together to ask that attendees bring specific dishes?

I don't host Thanksgiving dinner, but every year, I listen to family members get miffed at being told, "Can you please bring [insert specific dish here]?" They complain that it's rude to be told what to bring instead of being able to choose on their own, and I don't understand why. To me, it seems like the whole point of that is to make sure that there's plenty of options and not just three people showing up with green bean casserole or two pecan pies and no other desserts and so on. Plus, there's people in my family who have dishes they consider their "specialty" and tend to just say, "Ooh, I'll bring that," even when it doesn't fit with the main course. So, I definitely don't understand how this can be considered rude at all (I actually prefer being told exactly what I should bring, because otherwise I end up stressing about it and scrolling through Pinterest like a madwoman trying to figure it out, lol).

What's your opinion on this? Do you think it's rude?

Foofa2019-11-27T15:03:59Z

If the host of a potluck doesn't specify certain dishes everyone could show up with the same thing. So I don't see this as rude unless the message was delivered rudely. But it's not a problem to say, "The turkey, gravy and stuffing is covered so please bring a side dish".

LiverGirl982019-11-24T13:20:15Z

At celebrations such as Thanksgiving and Christmas, it is not unusual for the host/hostess to ask their guests to bring along a specific dish. People often like to contribute to the celebrations and will be happy to accommodate the host/hostess' request. Equally, some people can become territorial about a certain dish and only want to contribute if they can bring along what they see as their speciality. Other people may be totally put out by being asked to contribute, if they hold an expectation that the host/hostess will provide the entire meal. Ultimately, the host/hostess will decide who to ask, if anyone, and the guests will decide if they wish to contribute. There is no one golden rule.

mom2019-11-23T23:34:23Z

nothing wrong with asking others to bring a dish. I do it all the time when I have a get together with friends. they also ask me all the time to bring a dish also

Cas2019-11-23T00:57:08Z

Normally, the hostess would supply the food. Maybe there are some instances where people might bring things. In that case, have a sign up sheet. The hostess can list what she wants, and then guests can choose from the list.

JuanB2019-11-22T19:11:52Z

Not rude, especially among family. Like you say, you don't want to end up with 4 pumpkin pie deserts and not potatoes, etc.

But to save people's feelings, family should know by now if someone has a specialty that they tend to bring, and have a bit of a discussion. Then again, you might end up with 4 specialty pumpkin pies.

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