My Dad has bipolar. He hit me a lot when I was a kid. He barely worked, and didn't even seem bothered when I went without things.
He tries to say he tried his best, but he put in almost no effort, and now I have to live with these memories.
Pearl
cause theyd like to believe they tried
Patricia
Your dad told you he did the best he could. At least he admitted it - and sometimes a person's best just sucks. You also said he has bipolar disorder. So maybe shitty was the best he could do.
You're not a kid anymore according to your question, as well. So maybe come to terms with the fact your father had mental illness issues and perhaps he "didn't know how" to be a father at all, or a provider. And accept it.
I had to accept a lot of things about my abusive father. He was awful and a drunk. Well, that was then. Right now? I'm an adult woman and i am living my life to the fullest. I live RIGHT NOW, not in the past.
Lots of people are stuck in the past and it wrecks them. If you don't know how to crawl out of the past and start living in the present, maybe consider therapy?
Take care of yourself.
Green Puffin
I don't know much about bipolar and the behaviours associated with it. However, hitting children isn't ever acceptable, the fact that your still in touch with him, is enough surely. Perhaps his best, as a bipolar sufferer, just isn't what you could ever expect to be similar to a father who doesn't have this condition.
Though it must bring traumatic memories of your childhood, perhaps it's time to accept that your father can't change and if you want to continue any relationship with him in the future, you'll need to forgive and move on....
Anonymous
There's two possibilities. Either your father's just trying to excuse himself and his behavior, or he really did try.
I know that the second one may seem far off, but often times mentally ill people really are trying, even if they're doing awful. My mother was bipolar + schitzophrenic, and she did try, but she was also abusive and unfit to be a parent.
The best thing to do is to try to heal from the past. If you think you should and you can, seek counseloring or therapy. Otherwise, seek support from trusted family and friends.
Keep in mind: even when you heal from all of this, you don't owe your father forgiveness for what he did to you.
babblinbrook
We all do the best we can in the moment with the tools we have... does that excuse abuse? Absolutely not, however, as an adult, it's a place to start in yourself to do some healing. Do you do the best you can every day with the tools you have? Yes, we all do. I would really urge you to get counseling so you can learn how to live with the memories and not let the past keep you from growing.