Should I leave and think about taking care of my soon to be newborn or should I stay so my baby knows her father?

Question

My husband claims I buy food only because I know we have money. It is really starting to get to me hearing him constantly saying this. As a child my family never had food in the house, my mom didn’t believe in snacks, she didn’t cook but 1 meal a day some days you had to fend for yourself. And no one in the house was allowed to use the stove or oven except my parents (my dad never cooked anyways) ... however I spend around $100 every other Friday for the two of us (also I am pregnant with a lot of cravings) ... besides the point he spends 200-300 a month on amo and guns. That doesn’t count in his eyes. The fact of me trying to take care of my house and family is all he sees as money wasted. I am honestly at the point of letting go, giving up, leaving and not returning. It has been like this for going on a year and I am sick and tired of being blamed. I have kept my mouth closed as long as I can, but making me feel bad around his side of the family is pushing my buttons way too far. Should I leave and think about taking care of my soon to be newborn or should I stay so my baby knows her father? I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

Foofa · Answer

Hard to tell whether you're a food hoarder or he's just an idiot. But unless you think his guns & ammo fixation portends physical danger to you you should at least try some marriage counseling before you give up. You did after all choose to marry him and then choose to become pregnant with his child.

Pearl · Answer

thats up to you

Anonymous · Answer

It sounds like you jumped the gun on getting married and then pregnant.  That doesn't mean it's hopeless, of course!  But it makes things more difficult.

It's obvious the 2 of you never talked through finances and spending priorities BEFORE getting married.  Yes, $100 every 2 weeks for 2 people seems like a lot if you need to budget.   Him spending a few hundred on ammo and guns also seems like a lot.  But it doesn't automatically mean each of you is wrong.  It's about getting on the same page with your budget.  Financial issues are the #1 reason for divorce, because when people don't get on the same page, resentment builds.  That's what's happening here.

Also, are you really married?  People lie about that all the time in here, esp when they're pregnant.  I ask because you talk about "leaving him", but a married woman usually mentions divorce.  Either way, this is an over-reaction.  Your child deserves to know both parents and also deserves 2 parents who work hard to stay together.  You are overdue to have a long, serious convo about where you're headed, and it also sounds like couples counseling would help.  When you talk about leaving and your child not knowing his father, this is very naive.  Your husband/bf has equal rights to that child, and I'm sure his family will see to it that he understands this.

Should I leave and think about taking care of my soon to be newborn or should I stay so my baby knows her father?

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