Should I stay or leave?

Question

My husband claims I buy food only because I know we have money. It is really starting to get to me hearing him constantly saying this. As a child my family never had food in the house, my mom didn’t believe in snacks, she didn’t cook but 1 meal a day some days you had to fend for yourself. And no one in the house was allowed to use the stove or oven except my parents (my dad never cooked anyways) ... however I spend around $100 every other Friday for the two of us (also I am pregnant with a lot of cravings) ... besides the point he spends 200-300 a month on amo and guns. That doesn’t count in his eyes. The fact of me trying to take care of my house and family is all he sees as money wasted. I am honestly at the point of letting go, giving up, leaving and not returning. It has been like this for going on a year and I am sick and tired of being blamed. I have kept my mouth closed as long as I can, but making me feel bad around his side of the family is pushing my buttons way too far. Should I leave and think about taking care of my soon to be newborn or should I stay so my baby knows her father? I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

Loonasee · Answer

Are you working?  Do you plan on going back to work when you have the baby?  You really need financial independence.  It would make your decision so much easier.

When you are married, the money belongs to both of you.  He has no right at all to tell you what you can and can't spend it on (assuming you are being reasonable with finances), especially when he spends it on what he likes.  He certainly shouldn't be shaming you at all, let alone in front of his family.I agree with Donald, you could both use couples counseling, especially since a child is about to come into the picture.  He needs to understand right now, before the baby is born, how serious you are being with this, that it isn't an acceptable situation, your resentment (and his) will only grow.  He obviously has his own issues (we all bring our s*** to our relationship).  I tend to think ultimatums aren't the best way to go, but sometimes they are necessary, at the very least to put everything on the table and see how he proceeds. At no point do you express love for this individual or anything at all appealing about him which even if you do care about him, is very telling in your post. Do what is best for you and your baby.  Imagine the next few years with him, what your child will be exposed to: do you really want your child growing up with a father that makes her mother feel bad for spending money on food and household items? Will she be exposed to constant tension, fighting and resentment?  Its a terrible way to grow up.  Also, it doesn't have to be an either/or situation: you can leave him and he can still be actively in her life.

Donald · Answer

At the very least the two of you need family counseling to get past your differences.  Otherwise there is not way this ends well.  Ultimately you have to decide what's best for both you and your unborn child.

Should I stay or leave?

Trending Questions