I don't know if I'm having feelings for my ex again. Please help and I'll answer one of yours!?

Question

I'm currently dating a girl (I'm 24 & she's 22) who I know loves me and I know I loved her, but recently there has been a disconnect between us. Also, the last 6 months I've had at least 3-4 dreams a month about my ex and in them we are always married or dating. These dreams made me start thinking of her daily. Tonight I went to a get together that friends from my comm. college had and my ex was there (didn't know she would be there). I couldn't help but try and sneak glances towards her and I caught her looking at me as well. My ex and I left on good terms and we've recently sent a few messages to each other like me congratulating her for getting into law school and her wishing me a happy birthday. I feel awful for having these feelings while in a relationship and know that I shouldn't be having thoughts of my ex while in a relationship, I just can't get her out of my mind and don't know if these feelings are simply because she was my first love and we strongly thought of marriage or because we left on good terms and never had the "I never want to talk to you again" break up.

Patricia · Answer

It's not abnormal to keep an ex in our heart and still feel affection for them - this can go on for years or for the rest of our lives. I think of a couple of m exes very fondly, but i'm not in love with them anymore. However, i still care and this is normal. After all, we were emotionally close at one time in our lives. There's nothing wrong with thinking of our ex; however, if a person hasn't recovered from a break up and is still all in love and emotionally attached to an ex, they really need to take the time to recover, and not rebound to someone new.

There's a difference between feeling care for a person we used to date and being all emotionally attached. Most of us eventually lose that emotional attachment after a break up.

There's a difference between feeling care for a person we used to date and being all emotionally attached.  Most of us eventually lose that emotional attachment after a break up.

Glass · Answer

Your ex isn't really relevant to the problems in your current relationship. This is a symptom of doubts you already have, and an excuse to avoid confronting them. Talk to your girlfriend about the "disconnect", figure out why you feel that way and resolve the problem together. Either things will improve, or you two will decide your relationship has run its course. In the meantime, stop talking to your ex. You know you would want your girlfriend to do the same if she felt tempted by someone else. Give your relationship your full attention.

I don't know if I'm having feelings for my ex again. Please help and I'll answer one of yours!?

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