What do you think of what my ex-boyfriend said to me?

Question

FYI: This happened when I was 30 and he was 45.

So here's the story. One night he called me over to his house to discuss something. We had only been dating for 4 weeks. I can't remember the exact words but the gist of the conversation was that he was looking to be with a woman for the rest of his life and that he didn't want to date me further unless he knew for sure that I would agree to be with him for the rest of his life. He told me that he was not putting pressure on me and that I was awfully young to make such a big decision.Do you think that's fair though? To tell a 30 year old woman that if she doesn't agree to be with you for the rest of her life, the relationship is over? After like 4 weeks dating?

To make a long story short, I broke my promise to stay with him forever. He would not accept my break up. He went behind my back to try and manipulate my mom and friend to get me back.

Years later, I discovered that he had spent some time in a mental hospital and gotten into a car accident after not taking his epilectic meds: he never told me about any of this.

Foofa · Answer

The surprising part isn't that he'd spent time in a mental hospital but that you spent time with him after he basically demanded marriage only four weeks into the relationship.

seedy history · Answer

I've had numerous guys dump me because I wouldn't get "serious". Heck, my husband had to give me the big ultimatum 5 years into our relationship because I was hesitant to make promises. I think it's really common and totally normal for people who KNOW what they want and what their time line is to make those sorts of decisions for themselves in life. This guy you were dating wants a spouse. Doesn't want to fool around with gals who aren't seeking the same. Not hard to understand. No man I dated after the age of 17 would have had any idea how to reach anyone in my family after only a month of dating! You're a full blown woman making your own decisions in life. I assume your Mother laughed at his persuasion attempt? And, btw, I am glad that you turned down a potential spouse 15 years your senior. Good for you. And I laughed at the notion that you are "awfully young to make such a big decision". You've been a full blown adult woman for over a decade! Totally able to decide for yourself what you want.

Yep, I do think it's "fair" for a man to take his attitude. It's also totally "fair" for you to balk and head the other direction. People do what they want to do, for the most part.

Yep, I do think it's "fair" for a man to take his attitude. It's also totally "fair" for you to balk and head the other direction. People do what they want to do, for the most part.

Anonymous · Answer

I think it’s fair. He’s old and doesn’t have time to waste.

EEEEEE!!!!! · Answer

Sounds like he was facing a dilemma and asked you to be judge. 
Then the other thing he thought he had didn’t work and he tried to reel you back in

What do you think of what my ex-boyfriend said to me?

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