Is my son unreasonable or not?

I'm not currently a parent but hopefully will be one day. I think you both have valid points of view. If the norm is to have a "hot meal" most days whether it needs to be reheated or not, with a day or two a week of leftovers(that require his initiative) then I don't see a problem, if it's the opposite than I would tend agree with him.

In the end, I think I would happy that this is the biggest problem you two have.

Good Luck.

I don't think either of you is being unreasonable. You just aren't on the same page about priorities. He probably does need a good hot meal after all of that. You may very well really need the down time too if your job is stressful. If his schedule is like this every day he's in a tough position.

It really is hard to come home after making a thirteen hour a day commitment to bettering yourself and find mom pecking away on Yahoo answers and nothing to eat except what you can scrounge cold from the fridge. Maybe you need to figure out a way to have a plate ready that just needs to go in the microwave. That doesn't seem too hard. Plan ahead when you do cook and make some extra.

If it's a once a week thing he should be able to handle it. You guys ought to be able to work this out without us. Maybe eating out is an option or grabbing take-out on the way home. I'm a guy with a wife and son and I would cook for my son after a day like that or give him some money and send him to Sonic, but that's just me.

I'm 17 myselF, so I can tell you that in MY opinion he is being unreasonable. I am homeschooled, so I don't have school, but I do work 7 to 8 hours 5 days a week. And I do homework about 6 hours a day. He should be able to Fix his own meals and do his own laundry. It doesn't take a lot oF energy to throw a plate into the microwave. IF you ask me, he should make dinner For you and your husband once in a while. And he needs to remember that he is chosing to work 4 hours and go to Football practice. IF a hot meal is that important, then he doesn't have to do those. He can be at home.

I'm not taking sides. I don't know what your arangements to date have been. However, I would never have been "upset" about Mom not having a hot meal ready for me at 9:30pm. I graduated high school at the age of 17. I was just a "C" average student. I left home right out of school, got a job, got an appartment, cooked for myself, cleaned all my own clothes, did all the things I was supposed to do and NEVER went back home. Sure, I couldn't do all the things I wanted to do. I would either "save-up" for what I wanted or do without. By the way, I didn't turn 18 until the following October after high school.

Just a little "insight" to show what can be done with a little "initiative".

(I am 56 now)

I think he's old enough to operate a microwave. After all, you're his mom, not his slave. If you've cooked for the family earlier in the day/evening, presumably you've made enough for him too (if not, you should).

But think about it: he's had a very long day, and after all that (including football practice!) he's probably starving (and therefore grumpy, as people are when they're famished). On top of that, he has homework (he DOES do his homework, yes?) This means he has yet MORE work ahead of him.

I have a teenager (and one grown up and gone). Both have always been pretty independent, often feeding themselves by choice. But when there's a pile of homework, I like to give the kid a break to catch her breath while I cook or heat something up for her. That often gives me a chance to sit with her, find out how her day went, what's new, etc.

That makes a pleasant time, and helps me stay in touch. I find it worthwhile. I do think I'm pampering her, BTW, but I enjoy it (and I don't think I'm being a doormat).

Of course, it helps that my kids * always * thank me afterward, and sometimes they say things like, "Mom, you're an awesome cook!"

So no, you're not a bad mom for not preparing food for him on the spot; but he's not a bad kid for wishing you did. I suggest you consider turning his dinner time into pleasant time together instead of an argument. Enjoy and appreciate each other. It's even more fun than Yahoo, I assure you!

There has to be a compromise here -- it's unreasonable for your son to refuse to do anything for himself. Maybe when he was 7, but not at 17. When I was a teenager, my sister and I were responsible for preparing at least one meal a week. We both grumbled about it at the time (and I did afterschool activities and a job as well), but it was terrific practice for when I moved out on my own and had to start cooking my own meals.

Since your son will most likely be moving out of your home within the next few years, one of the best things you could do for him now would be to help him learn how to cook simple things for himself. Why not take a Sunday afternoon and cook together a large batch of something that will freeze well (lasagna, chili...). You can then divvy up portions into plastic containers and put in the freezer. That way, when he gets home late at night, he can take one out and pop it in the microwave. These will be much healthier than store-bought microwave meals or fast food. And, as an added bonus, he'll know how to prepare these meals himself for when he is on his own.

It sounds like you have a wonderful son - so first give him a hug. If you said you were doing chores around the house I would tell him to cook for himself. But, you say you play on the computer? I think it's reasonable for you to at least heat something for him and take a short break from playing games.

BUT, your son needs to stop expecting a meal made for him just because he's a hard worker. Once you leave home you will need to do everything for yourself, so thank mom now for what she does do. Oh- I'm 25.

When I was a teenager (really the whole time I was living at my parents, even as a young adult) dinner was at 6:00 every night. If someone was not there, the meal went on without them. If they were hungry they were welcome to fend for themselves. I would imagine a football player would get pretty hungry between lunch and 9:30 PM. He must be eating dinner sometime before 9:30.

At the age of 17,I was meant to fend on my own as my mother worked the 2nd shift and there wasn't noone home to cook for me.I can understand you both have busy schedules( all of us do) Your son should start cooking or preparing his meals on his own thatincludes him heating up what you had prepared for him.How would he survive if he leaves for college or moves out on his own?Will he constantly head to Burger King or McDonalds to give him food? I sure wouldn't like that one bit.

How about the weekends you make it a family night..Make dinner and have the family sit down together.

Sometimes it sucks but you've gotta take care of the kids. They're number one. I remember picking up after my daughter and cooking and doing laundry, etc. when she was in her senior year in high school. I NEVER complained once. I NEVER had a problem doing it because I knew then, that in less than one year the chores would all be gone, but so would my daughter. So I enjoyed the work because I knew it meant she was home. Enjoy the work while you can. I'd LOVE to be in your shoes.

I have 3 sons, and I wish at age 17 either of them would have called themselves "upset" with me about a hot meal...first of all U work just as ur son does, and if u can eat leftovers his butt can too....Let ur son come live in my house for a week and I'll bet u when u see him again he won't say a darn thing about a hot meal...he'll be glad to eat leftovers and rightovers too....I don't play that in my house AT ALL...baby girl let me tell u something "if he can't walk his butt to the fridge and warm himself some food to eat......guess what?.........his butt would just be hungry........or better yet.....if he gets home at 9:30pm MCDONALDS is still open; he has a job he can pay for it either that...........or walk his butt to the fridge and getting to heating up some grub..........YOUR SON WOULD BE A HUNGRY BUTT AT MY HOUSE........AND I HOPE U LET HIM READ THIS...........