Have you ever stayed in a bad relationship? If you have why did you choose to do so?

I did for almost ten years. Granted, not all ten years were bad but the last three were a nightmare. I don't think I can say that I "chose" to stay but by the time that things were getting really bad, I had no self esteem left over to stand on. I left the first time he raised his hand to me, breaking three ribs, fracturing my jaw and causing several other injuries including miscarriage of twins. I know I'm one of the lucky ones who was able to call their parents and let them know what was happening and that I needed to leave and I needed to leave now.

That's been over five years ago and I now have a great business, self esteem and a wonderful man who loves me for who I am. We're expecting our first child in two weeks.

It took me a long time to admit that I was a statistic (not a victim, I hate that word!) of domestic violence. I wasn't raised with that and it was a foreign concept to me but in doing some research (and going through some counseling), I've learned a lot about myself and also about domestic violence. I'm attaching a website which has a lot of information on it. You have to make the final choice for yourself as to how you want to live your life as well as what you will and won't tolerate. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you find happiness that you deserve!

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_...

I stayed for 19 yrs. and I lost more then I gained.

I stayed because I thought that love and time to grow or mature would change him.

I stayed for all the wrong reasons! Very Stupid, I knew better...I thought my love would change him.

He was very abusive in all ways imaginable. He cheated several times, drank every day, always with his friends and at the bar...Never helped with our girls or their sports, no family get togethers and so on..

If you are tired of the hell you live in then there is a valid reason to leave. No one should ever stay with anyone who abuses someone!

If he does not want to work on the relationship, then he is giving you a way out, Take it!

He does not have the maturity or the man-hood to say it clearly. He is treating you this way because he wants out too, but is not going to be the one to make the first step.

He is most likely to blame you because you didn't want to stay. SO WHAT, he does not truly love you if he is doing all things.

He is the loser and coward in this relationship!!!

You deserve better, GET OUT, make your life better and forget about this jerk. He will get back 10 times fold what he has done to others.

I know it is hard as hell to let go of the love you still have for him,( you do still love him, don't you), it is very difficult even though he has hurt you so much..

You need to leave this relationship as soon as you can, break the bond that ties you to misery..

There is a better life and love out there for you, you just need to let go and look forward to a happier you!

Good luck and I wish you all the love you do deserve.

email me if you want to chat and need someone to lean on..

Put you first, take care of you now....

It's good perhaps because it saves you the hassle of getting into a relationship and then the other person breaking up with you, saves the hurt and pain from that. You can focus on yourself and aim high really without having anyone to stop you. Then again it has its bad points - you could miss out on one of the most powerful feelings in the world, love. Wishing you all the best for 2010.

Sometimes we stay in bad relationships not because we like the abuse but because we truly love the person and hope they will change someday. But too many times that day of change never comes. I stayed in a bad marriage for 7 years because I loved him and had children but one day I said enough is enough and walked away. It wasn't like I walked away from a good man. Never stay with a man that is abusing you because without counseling he is not going to get better, he will get worse. A lot of women are dead because they didn't have the courage to leave. Leave now. I did with my children and believe me, we are better off. God Bless! P.S. Get intouch with the domestic abuse hotline and they will tell you how to leave.

Hi, I can fully understand what it means to be in such a relationship. i feel that there are so many reasons women choose to take humbug from their men.. probably kids,probably no money, sometimes society, sometimes plain lack of faith in self or sometimes a numbness of feelings and sometimes faith and hope that probably things wouuld improve.

Without u actually asking for advice, allow me to say somethings to u as a friend. it if is kids, then u are not doing any favor by staying in a bad marriage, they dont need to be abusive realtionship while growing up.

if it is no finance/support, believe me it is much easier to earn money at your own terms then actually be in a bad relationship

and if it is faith that things would improve then also his not turning to counselling says a lot.

try staying separate for 6 months, it may hurt u in the beginning, u may feel lost but then when u get back ur identity and see that people around u/ society does not matter to u , you will feel a lot better. eventually it will be much easier to file for a divorce and start ur own life.

if u like to discuss more, pl. feel free to write to me on a one to one basis.

take care and good luck.

I stayed with a man who emotionally abused me and was cheating on me. I was 19 and pregnant for the first time and felt that for our child I had to make it work. The woman he was cheating with gave him an STD and he gave it to me. Normally it wouldn't be enough to cause a miscarriage but added to all the stress in my life at the time, I lost my child. I still wanted to be with him! I was naive and stupid. I finally decided that I had to get away from him and the memories. I joined the Navy, met my husband and now have a wonderful marriage with the man of my dreams. We we first started to discuss marriage I made it very clear to him that I do not believe in divorce, except if there is abuse going on. If he has been abusive like you stated, you need to get out. Please do it now, for you safety! Good luck and God bless.

i wasn't married when my share of this went on but i found that mentally he made me feel micro-sized, my personality was shot when i was around him, i was with him for 4 years and most of the time i was broken up with him, i just dealt with it because the more i rejected him the more abused i got so i let him think i was " his girl" and needed some help getting out of that. i am ttalking it was so bad he would try to have orgies with me and 5 of his friends so no one can imagine what went on... I ended up developing a fake persoanlity around him and when he wasn't around i was trying to put my life back together, i lost my friends i couldn't have any money. I just couldn't get through it, he lied to my family and had everyone around me fooled. jUST PRAY FOR AN ANGEL IS WHAT I DID. I found one and when i started to get a twinkle in my eye he nearly killed my new found best friend, causing him to go into a coma with major internal bleeding, Luckily my prayers worked and my Angelic friend is now doing great.

I totally understand your circumstanse although we were not married i figure it was pretty close.

You need to try and pick up the pieces of your life that he took from you, and work on getting a smile on yuour face again. do the things you would do without him around. Get a friend you can talk to and be there for you without freaking out and just be patient, allowing you to make decisions at the right moments without allowing him to lash out. I think since you are married you should think about getting the cops involved so there won't be any stalking.

Please tell me you don't have a kid that can make this more difficult than it already is.

If you would like to get ahold of me in the future feel free to email me, not to many people can understand how upsetting this sort of situation is.

If he doesn't make an effort to get counseling then you should get out, and if for some reason you're finding it difficult to walk away get some sort of therapeutic help,get this help before things get even worse. I don't think you should stay with him if he is physically abusing you, you deserve better than that. No one deserves to be treated bad, you don't deserve it. So be strong and make a change for yourself and your future.

i've been in that situtation and everyone can say no deal cause of abuse but i truly beleive that's why women stay we want them(the abuser)to love us so much to stop on their own and show us the love we need and we keep hoping and waiting over and over and wishing it will get better! if he will not go to counseling u might want to try to counsel him urself self help books ask questions,he's more than likely angry and not with u the way his life turned out or at himself u can find out slowly and help him help u be decret he won't even know what ur doing!

Hey... I've never been in this situation but if he doesn't make an effort, he's not worth yours... I'd get away ASAP cause if not, the "Few occasions" of physical abuse will multiply and you seem like a respectable person, he doesn't deserve you... Don't allow him to contol you and abuse you any longer...