Is my 12 year old daughter obligated to go to her only female cousin's bridal shower?

I think etiquette would have been to tell them beforehand that you would be there without your eldest daughter, and apologise nicely saying she would love to be there but has a prior commitment. There's not a lot you can do about it now and if they are anything like my in-laws they wouldn't have been that impressed that I'd allow it anyway, polite or not. The important thing is that you stay 'polite', the decision of whether or not to accept any invitation is entirely yours and nobody should tell you otherwise.

The flub here wasn't in letting her stay home - it was in allowing an ambiguous situation. The bride may feel that your oldest doesn't wish her well, or was being rude. I'd suggest having your daughter send her a nice card congratulating her on the upcoming wedding, and expressing her own excitement for the bride - that should smooth things over.

In future, the way to avoid this would be to explain to the guest of honor (in this case, the bride-to-be) that while your daughter does wish her the best, it seemed like a better idea to let the grownups be grownups instead of having to play with a preteen, too (this option should also be open to her younger sisters), since it will allow the bride to more fully enjoy her party.

Not obligated but polite & a good way to keep family relations at the right level. Her friend would still be there another night but hopefully only one bridal shower. Good manners is taught at an early age.

It is her only female cousin and so it would have been the right thing to do to show up. But what is done is done, and so you can't worry about what happened and try to apologize for the error in your judgment. Make sure she attends the wedding. That would have been a good lesson for your daughter in sacrificing - sometimes choosing friends over a family function isn't always the right call.

No one is obligated to go to a bridal shower. She doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to. It is her decision. It is not important. Right??? If her two sisters go, it doesn't mean that she have to go. If your husband's family gets upset, then they are immature. They are adults and should understand that it is no big deal. You are not wrong and so is your 12 year old.

So don't worry about it.

I don't think she is obligated. It IS just a shower. The wedding would be the more important event for her to go to. Showers are typicaly more for the adults anyway.

No one is obligated to do anything that no law establishes. Your daughter is free to do as she pleases. But of course, a 12-year-old child is a minor, and is also obliged by their parents' laws. She's obligated, only if you or her parent obligates her.

AS A MOTHER YOU ARE NOT WRONG AND THE ONLY BRIDAL SHOWERS I GO TO HAVE STRIPPERS THAT INAPPROPRIATE DONT YOU THINK....FURTHER MORE DOES SHE EVEN LIKE HER COUSIN? AND SHE IS A CHILD NEVERTHELESS SO I SAY SCREW IT!!!!!!!!!

no, i mean...it maybe would of been polite to go, but i don't think you can really force her....and also it's only the shower. I think it's ok...

Its not required at that age, your cousin will not be expecting her.