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What does everyone think of this?

I was really bored so I wrote this little story. I just want peoples opinions.

As he looked out the window he saw something he had never thought possible. The demons of the underworld had surfaced from their confinement and had started wreaking havoc on the world. He watched in utter disbelief as his neighbors and friends were torn apart by the rusty, bloodstained scythes they carried with them. One of the horrible bird like creatures glanced at him and fear ran through his spine. The last thing he saw before his inevitable doom was the glowing red eyes of the demons.

9 Answers

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  • 2 decades ago
    Favorite Answer

    Great idea for a children's book!

  • 2 decades ago

    The writing is very good.

    I have some doubts on the subject. How did it come to you? There is a thing called automatic writing, when a person writes without any specific intention and something comes out of it. Many would argue it's the subconscious that's at work, but others think it's a demonic activity and I'm inclined to believe the second category. Why would your subconscious want the demons to kill any living being on earth? This is what the demons would love to do.

    I suggest, if you like to write, not to let your inspiration wander, but refer to your own experience.

    Also, I would recommend you to refer to a priest for spiritual advice.

  • 2 decades ago

    Not much of a story....more like a paragraph from a story. Sounds a bit like any other horror "story". But I will say something positive....I liked the "rusty' bloodstained scythes."

  • 2 decades ago

    A bit dark but the writing was quite good. You need to break it up into stanzas and paragraphs. It makes it easier to read. Try and expand your use of descriptive adjectives and similes, using the phrase, "like a". EG: surfaced from their confinement like a fetid ooze, spewing forth from the Earth. If you are quite young it is very good because a lot of young people can barely read or write. I like writing and the use of words is fascinating to me. Check out my TITANIC STORY on http://jules-shortstories.blogspot.com./ This was my first attempt at writing, tell me what you think. Jules, Australia.

    http://jules-shortstories.blogspot.com/

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  • 2 decades ago

    I think this is the coolest thing ever. and by cool I mean psycho.

  • 2 decades ago

    Dammit! Now I have to go to sleep with that on my head. Thanks for scaring the crap out of me before bedtime!

  • Anonymous
    2 decades ago

    pretty good!, & that means a lot from me b/c i'm a tough grader

  • 2 decades ago

    Hmmm war :(

  • 2 decades ago

    you need some mental help

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