how do i get my wife to admit she is a drunk after 36 years of marriage she is killing me with her drinking?

Because you did not ask about leaving your wife, I will assume that what you want to do is an intervention.

Rather than just type a bunch of stuff, here are two good websites on how to do this by professionals.

http://www.troubledwith.com/Web/groups/public/@fot...

http://webpages.charter.net/rfhale/intervention.ht...

You also need to get help for yourself. Living like this is terrible. Try to locate an "al anon" group in your area. Here is a link about Al Anon.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

I had the same problem a few years ago, so every day that I came home from work and my wife was drinking, or drunk I would not say any thing, I would just put a mark on the calender, after a month I showed her the days she had been drinking it didn't cure her, but she did slow down allot!

Good luck. My ex husband will never admit he's an alcoholic, which is sad. There's no help for him until he does. And you know, until they are ready to admit to their disease and truly want help in overcoming it, there isn't a damn thing you can do for them. I admire your dedication for being with her for so long. My ex was abusive emotionally and mentally. Once he started in with the regular beatings I had to get the kids and get out. That was over 15 years ago and he is still drinking, more and more as time goes on.

I was in the same spot. The way I did it was to show her the door. If she did not get help she would be on the other side. She still on the same side and sober three years.12 step does work

your focus is on the wrong thing, you need to only consider one of 2 things, either, can you stay with her in the condition she is in or not. if not, then you need to make clear to her that you cannot consider staying with her because you feel that her drinking is coming between the two of you. whether she accepts that she has a problem is neither here nor there, if you focus on that, you are not addressing the actual issue, which is that it is affecting you and you need to make a choice about your life, not hers.

First, drunkards never accept it. So dont try it. I know how it hurts when your spouse is a drunk. Try to take her to rehab somehow. She cannot come out of it now - on her own. She needs help - outside medical assistance.

Its a very hard situation to be in!

Go and see your GP, ask there advice, that's probably the best person to talk to, if your in the US, try and ring a help line of some kind and see if they can give you some answers!

Sit her down when she is sober and tell her how it affects you and anyone else that loves her. Then, it's really up to her. She has to be ready to get help. I'm praying for you and her.

Take a few photos of her when she is wasted.

But she has the right to return the favor when you are wasted.

Then exchange photos.

the first step is admitting you are a drunk that is the hardest one...