Not meeting eye to eye with wife and marriage in verge of break up but for kids we need to stay together?

do what you have to do.

The kids are the ones that is hurting the most here they are innocent they didn't tell you to do that it was you fault they never wanted to come in this world you and the wife wanted it. The wife is the one you should forget not the kids I bet you if you live your own life then is gone be a hard life knowing that you got something left something behind.

Do not stay because of the kids just do what best for you and the kids but please do not involve the kids with your problem just talk to the wife is not just her kids they are your kids as well and you need to play a role as their father. Sorry mate but you can only do so much but you can't control everything unless is your own life.

It's hard to live together especially if she wants you to leave which is what it sounds like. She's using the kids to get back at you for reasons that are her own and living there or appart won't change that. You need to move on with your life. I'd start looking for a good attorney and see about the kids. Most states the mother gets the kids, but if you can prove a better financial life with you then most judges will take that into consideration. The best thing you can do for your kids is make sure their home life is as close to non-confrontational as possible.

Never stop thinking for yr kids but yes you should live yr own life. Staying together for the sake of the kids is never the answer. When there is no love left between a wife and husband, kids pick up on that. When there is fighting between a wife and husband, kids pick up on that as well. How could the kids benefit from that ?

I'm 36 now, but my parents divorced on friendly terms when I was 8. They are both great people, but after a while they drove each other crazy. I take after my father and I can now appreciate why :) Anyway, I lived with my mother from then on and only occasionally saw my father on vacations. My relationship with my father never did become very close again, but I do love and respect him. My kid sister was 3 at the time of the divorce, and she never got to know our father as a dad. Efforts to get to know each other better as she grew older never resulted in much. I know that this is a cause of sorrow for my father but my sister seems okay with it.

A few years after their divorce, my mother entered into a relationship with another guy - a relationship that lasted much longer than it should have. The other man obviously didn't stick around for my sake, but living in that house was like having our very own cold war... for the two years before he left, I dreaded coming home from school. Every day. Man, I developed a passion for anything I could lock myself up in my room with (this was before the days of PCs, so I mostly made do with books and an early chess computer). My sister and I naturally sided with my mother and we dispise that guy to this day.

So here's one vote from personal experience - for the kids' sake - to end it while you're still on speaking terms.

And if it does come to this, make sure they know that it's not because of them, that there's nothing they should've done diferently, that there's nothing they should do to get you back together, that you love them, and that you'll always be there for them. I know that's all obvious and self evident to an adult, but to a kid it's not.

Best wishes!

Yours is a problem that I wrestled with for years. What I finally figured out, was that staying together "for the sake of the kids" will ultimately not be in their best interest.

You see, children sense tension in the home. Even if they do not see outward fighting, and such. It will give them anxiety problems, both now...and into adulthood.

If you know a divorce is inevitable....and it sounds like you do....get it over with. The sooner everyone begins to heal, the sooner everyone is going to get over it.

I wasted 18 yrs. And, I wish so much that I could get them back. Also, I grew up in a home where my parents really should've divorced. As a result, I have had problems with anxiety and depression, my entire teen and adult life.

I hope this helps. And, while you wife might be brainwashing those kids, right now.....as they grow up, they will see the truth. Try not to let it get to you too bad. But, I do understand how you feel. And, she really should have better sense than to run down their father to them. Doesn't she know....that if puts you down.....she is also putting 50 percent of the child down. She is helping to destroy their self-esteem.

God bless, I wish you and your children the best.

Its not that you have to stop thinking about the kids. Two mentally healthy parents separated is better than one set of dysfunctional parents together. If you are not good for yourself that you cannot be good to your kids. I am sure they are stressed out and feeling like they have to choose. Although you are probably more open - their mother might make them feel guilty (inadvertently) if they choose you. They don't want to make her feel bad - and you being the sensitive one understands this and convey to your kids - its okay I understand. (that is called unconditional love- awesome!)

Also, you are teaching your kids that it is okay to be in a bad marriage. If one of your kids comes to you with this situation when they are 30 - what will you say?

You can still be a devoted father - and who knows maybe you and your wife will get along better. Some people just aren't meant to be married.

I know you will make the best decision. Good Luck.

The kids are going to see the two of you fight and resent one or both of you and that will be bad for both of you. The kid will suffer worse in the long run. Get out now and talk to wife about a break up where you get to visit the children on a healthy level and get on with your lives. Don't stay together for the kids, it will hurt all of you and no one will be happy causing long term damage mainly for the kids. Good luck to you all!!!! Pray about it!!! God will walk you through the hard times.

I have seen this happen numerous times. I've seen both situations: where the husband and wife stay together and are miserable, and in turn, the kids grow up miserable; and where the husband and wife divorce and things actually get better, they can be civil to one another in the presence of the children, and the children grow up happy. I think you should do what you think makes the most sense. If you think you'd like to stay together for the kids, you may want to seek counseling, but you both have to be in agreement to it.

Live your own life. Staying in an unhappy situation will not help your children. Children are better off coming from a broken home than living in one. Live your own life, just make sure you're still being a father aswell. You don't have to stay together just because you have kids. It won't work. Don't waste your life.

Be there for kids maybe not now but after they are older they will realize that you are a good father they are kids and don't give your wife the satisfaction of being rigth as long as you keep coming around they have to eventually grow up and think for them self and if your wife keeps saying untrue thing they will see that and tell her to shut the hell up but its really up to you