Condolence card etiquette.?

Question

My friends and neighbour died yesterday leaving behind his wife and two children. He had a brain aneurism and is now on life support waiting for his organs to be donatated. Would it be in poor taste for my husband and I to send a condolence card now, even though he is technically not deceased, or should I wait until he has been taken off life support. I don't know what to do in a situation like this. I am sad to have lost our friend, and sad for his family.

Update:

I did visit with his wife and children yesterday to offer my condolences and support. I also let her know if there was anything she or their kids needed to let my husband or I know.

leahcutie · Accepted Answer

Hi.  I'm sorry to hear about your loss.  I wouldn't send a card but would take them a meal and some cookies or brownies for the children.  I would tell them you are thinking of them (or praying for them) and are available if they need help.  That would mean a lot to them.

Tish · Answer

If you want to send a card now, make it a "thinking of you" card and let them know you're there if they need anything.  Definitely wait to send a condolence card until he's officially dead.

Phaylynn · Answer

I would go and visit with them and offer your condolences in person. And then give them a card afterwards. It might be hard to face the fact that he's gone when he's technically still alive in front of her.

BobBobBob · Answer

My g/f's 30 yo son was in a coma for 2 months after a motorcycle accident earlier this year, and we didn't know if he'd survive for the first few weeks.  (He's doing awesome now!!  He's up and about, and was left alone in his house for the first time this week!)

The nicest thing that people did was to help out with mundane, everyday chores, like mowing the lawn, grocery shopping, bringing meals, etc.  We were too busy at the hospital every day to do that stuff ourselves.

EPnTX · Answer

I would wait.  You could send a card of support like 'thinking of you' now and send the other card after he passes.

Sherry K · Answer

DON'T send a sympathy card yet!  Just send a message of support (as you have personally done).  I made the mistake of sending a "get well" card to someone hospitalized that we THOUGHT was going to be alright.  by the time it arrived at the hospital for him, he had died.  I was a bit embarrassed!

Karen J · Answer

I would send a "Thinking of You" type of card that makes it clear that you are there for the family in this difficult time, along with an offer to take care of the children for a short time or whatever might help. Any gesture you make will be appreciated.

quatt47 · Answer

You could send a card saying 'Our thoughts and prayers are with you in your time of need' or something like that.

Send another card of condolence when your friend is clinically dead.

pelancha · Answer

You have to wait until he is taken from life support, but you can go and visit your neighbor to give suppport to the family, if they are your friends a card is not enough

Yakuza · Answer

By visiting his wife and offering your help that is more important than a card right now. Id wait until he was truly "gone"

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Condolence card etiquette.?

17 Answers