If she owes me money....?

Good luck with this one. Her stuff is her stuff. Don't withhold it from her as this will only worsen the situation. Let her know that you and your husband will always be there for her, but it's time for her to stand on her own two feet.

Don't bother saying anything to the aunt/uncle because it won't matter. They will just tell your stepdaughter that you are trying to control her which will only exacerbate the matter.

If the $465 was just for personal "stuff" in general: going out, clothes, etc., she needs to pay it back. Offer to set up a payment plan. If it was for school (tuition, books, fees., etc), chalk it up as a loss and don't mention it again.

When she wants to return home (and she will), let her know that she is welcome as soon as you, her father, and she have a meeting about written ground rules. These should include no boyfriend in the bedroom at all (this is not a good example for 9 and 12 year old boys; might have been more lenient on this if she had complied with your rules the first time, but she didn't), the rental amount she will pay and the due date each month. If she doesn't pay on time, give her the standard 3 days with a $$ penalty for each day and after 3 days, change the locks and let her know when she can pick up her stuff. While living at home, she also must work full time, attend college full time, or work part time and go to school part time. These are set in stone and non-negotiable. She needs someone to be firm with her at this point.

She may have issues and you can continue to try and help her with those if she will respect your house and your rules. If she won't, let her know that you still support her emotionally, but she will have to live somewhere else and support herself financially. Again, good luck and God Bless.

Ugh, what a difficult situation. I would say legally you can't keep her stuff. If she owes you money and you can prove it, maybe you should consider sending her an invoice and if that doesn't work take her to small claims court. If I were you, I would give her the stuff and forget about the money; but don't ever ever let her borrow again. You have to make sure you and your husband are a solid unified front and don't let her come between you. You have 2 other children who aren't being irresponsible and you need to focus on them. She is an adult after all and you have to kick her from the nest. It's difficult, but tough love is sometimes necessary.

I remember right after college, when I needed $$$, my dad let me borrow some, and I told him I would pay him back when I got on my feet.

Well, I never once heard him asy anything to me about that money, he just said you are my daughter, and I am happy to help you..... It was a year and a half later, when I was ready to pay him back, and he told me I didnt owe him a dime......

The thing is, out of respect, you should want to pay back your parents..... But, its also out of respect that you dont hold it over that childs head either!

I think too, that for you people to write these relatives about this daughter, is a mean & hurtful thing to do, who knows, maybe they will treat her differently, and things will be OK.... And if they arent, at least they learned it on their own, and this daughter wont feel like shes failed again....

Write off the $465 and write her off too until SHE comes to her senses. You are probably getting off cheap in the long run.

Not to sound to cold but if she doesn't want a relationship what can you do to change her. Sounds like she will not be happy with the aunt and uncle and may come to her senses.

sounds like they all deserve each other but maybe this experience will be bad enough that it will wake up your step daughter enough to grow up and make ammends, including paying back the money. some people do need to stick their hand in the fire to know it burns. good luck!

also, since you have kids you need to be firm with her if she comes back. it's worthy of you to have offered to help but she abused this and you have to put your kids first. i wouldnt let her back in unless she has a job and at least makes installment payments but that's me.peace!

Vin

give her what she needs out of those things, hold the rest, and let her know the door is closed on any other money borrowing or lodging up issues. she is 21, she should be able to stand on her own two feet.

Don't get all tangled up over $400. Parents should take the higher road.

even tho she is family you can not hold her personal belongings hostage..that is against the law...unfortunatlly you will have to take her to small claims court or somehow work out n agreement with her

Keep her stuff till she pays ya back.

keep her stuff, get a new family