I need some advice on my son's behavior at school?

AMAZING! I have a son, second to the oldest out of my four and we just went through that. He's in 3rd grade. Smart and quick.I have found out that he was being bullied before and acting it out towards those who he could get away with. The key worse is..he was getting away with it. Some parents/teachers refused to confront or handle it directly. If he knows that you are concerned and you communicate openly with his teacher, let him know that there are consequences and he will be held accountable. Let the punishment fit the crime. Because if he continues, when he gets older I don't have to tell you that it will get worse. I think you are going in the right direction. Don't lose hope. I sat my son down and had a talk with him--just he and I. I found out that I was treating him like a BOY! How dads treat their boys b/c I didn't want to baby him. He noticed and acted out. Now I show him the same mushy love and he has been great. Boys desire that mother/son bond. He couldn't tell me why he did what he did. But it stemmed from not giving him enough of me--my attention is what he wanted. Isn't that how our husbands act we we don't give them enough attention--or when we don't receive the appreciation for what we do.He got it in negative ways. Reinforce his behavior and reward him when he does well. We all tend to give more attention (unconsciously) when our kids misbehave, but not more when they are doing great. Tell him for no reason. Stop him randomly and hug him--it works. Believe me I have tried almost everything except pour on more love and attention. When I did, I saw results. Better results. He maybe bored with school work, smart kids usually find other outlets when they are not challenged. Check into some gifted programs and have him tested.

There's often little similarity between how a child acts at home, at school, and with his friends. People in general have a wide range of behaviours at their disposal, and assemble a "set" which they think will help them accomplish their goals in each situation. Punishing your son at home for his misdeeds in school may make the teacher happy, but is unlikely to solve the problem and will impair what you describe as a pretty good relationship with your boy. Something is making him decide that meanness is his best strategy at school. The advice of observing him for a day without his seeing you is good: you may notice things the teacher does not, even though she knows him. If you can, I highly recommend the book "The Nurture Assumption" by Judith Rich Harris.

I'm also wondering whether your son may be even brighter than you thought! Often very smart children are just bored to tears in an ordinary classroom and handle their frustration by striking out at the offending situation. Remember, they are mostly there against their will -- sort of like being in prison six hours per day for crimes you didn't commit. Wouldn't that make YOU mad? If that's the case, you should look into special "gifted" programs, if any, that exist in your school system, or at a private school if you can afford one, or at home schooling. Home schooled kids are uniformly happier than classroom kids, do just as well or better on standardized tests, and of course are MUCH closer with their parents. (They even go to Harvard...)

Alot of people on here and elsewhere are going to point the finger at A.D.D or A.D.H.D and to put him on meds. BUT, my 9 year old son has been that way since kindergarten as well. We have had him tested by 3 different child psychologists. They gave him a computer test to monitor his attention over 30 minutes. The advice given to us by all doctors was that he was too young at that time to determine it was or was not ADD or ADHD. They suggested we wait until it affects his grades. They also told us that he is highly intelligent and will test authority figures. We never medicated him. We did try diet changes, sleeping hours, etc. Nothing seemed to work. We finally went to parenting classes that taught us different techniques. The "when and then", creative disciplining, let him know what the consequences will be prior to the poor behavior. Spankings did not work on him. He is now in the 4th grade, and has seemed to grow out of it.

My suggestion would be try the creative disciplining. He is obviously a very intelligent little boy and will get it pretty quick. Do not accept one dr.'s opinion of whether he is or is not ADD/ADHD. Be careful and good luck to you!!!

It would appear to me that your son is testing the bounderies at school and has yet to learn that there are limits. He appears to need to be "centre stage" but needs to learn the acceptable ways to gain attention; that by interrupting or bullying, he is engaging in unacceptable behaviour. He needs to understand that there will be consequences to his behaviour.

The good news is that the teacher is fond of your son and that you have a good relationship with her. Try this: With the teacher, initiate a "behaviour" book where for a few weeks, the teacher notes the behaviour at the end of the day. The object is to catch him in the act of positive behaviour...note it in the book and reward him accordingly...perhaps a sticker in the book. When the behaviour is negative, this too should be noted in the book and then you can sit with him, discuss the behaviour and perhaps have a consequence, such as loss of a privelege...e.g. use of computer or television. Continue to reinforce the good behaviour all the while setting limits. He cannot not bully people; that is unacceptable. Often children who bully are bullied themselves. What is your son's relationship with his father or older sibling? Good luck!

It's not unusual for a child this age to act out around other children; he probably is use to being the center of attention and thinks he can over power them to benifit himself in some way! You had said that you and his teacher was close; try talking to him together about his behavior at school and in the classroom, if he knows the two of you are teaming up and giving him new guidelines to follow, maybe he won't be so quick next time to act out in an unruly manner! Good luck!

Wow....that sounds like my son last year! Smart, sweet little boy who makes everyone laugh. Very friendly. He had the exact same problems in young fives last year. Have you had him tested for ADHD? My son has it and was put on Ritalin LA (after trying a few other medications). Now I'm not a huge fan of medicating children, but the results were fabulous! He has the same personality and doesn't get in trouble at school (except for a few incidents that I attribute to being a little boy). I have to tell you - he's much happier and I'm not going nuts anymore! Hope this helps. If you would like to talk, please contact me at jlbouman@yahoo.com

take him to a counselor and see whats at the root of all this anger. he could just be bored or tying too hard to fit in. discipline for these actions should be swift and back the teacher on what she decides to do about this behavior. show a united front u and the father and the teacher and don't give him any room to argue. that behavior has to be unacceptable.

wow your kid is really mean to the other kids.. try using rewrds or start punishing him.. he'll get the message or just have him talk to you... maybe he is taking out his anger because he is mad... or maybe he doesnt liek his teacher or some other kids bully him ( maybe he is too chubby or too skinny ) well you know what i mean. try to reason with him and settle things down. and if your mad at him dont treat him like your not... act a little mad to show you really care what he does and you dont want him doing what he is doing because it is hurting your fellings.. done be too nice..

my mom she helped this boy who hit and bit her to be nice and apologize. she told him no dessert and no tv since he hit his little brother. and if he wanted to kick her she woudl say "no.. do you want someone to kick you. i dont think so." she also used soem humor and sillyness to help out...

hope that helps somehow... remeber your his mom, not a buddy.

You can start by taking a couple of days to attend class with him

for a few hours and sit in the back and watch....

that's tough one.you don't say that he's showed this behavior before,say at the park etc.so I'd say something going on with him going to school.did he attend pre school? has he been away from you before?I'd spend a few hours at his school without his knowledge and watch and see what's bothering him.