How do you discipline your 14 yr old who won't listen?

you should have started that a long time ago

I have a 13 year old and when she gets fresh or doesn't listen I take away privileges.

Find what's important. I take away tv, video games, phone, computer or time with friends. Keep your threats reasonable. Kids know you won't kill them, but you could very well take their tv away for a week. The most important part is the follow through. My daughter has accused me of enjoying grounding her. My response: "Don't you see that whenever you're grounded, so am I? I have to be here to enforce the punishment. It's not as if I have nothing better to do! And I'm not the one who (state offense here)!" I'm lucky in that she really is a good kid overall. Of course she didn't come out of the box like that, so hang tough and stick to your guns. I also point out the positives. I mentioned on another question that we have a "Caught being kind" can. Whenever someone in the family sees another member do something extra helpful or thoughtful, they jot it down and put it in the can. We read them all at dinner on Saturday and the person who's been the kindest gets a small prize. It's important to recognize kids for the good things they do besides disciplining undesirable behaviors.

I think both are equally important. Good luck! 14 is a difficult age. I remember I was a real joy at that age, ha-ha!

I have 13 yr old boy. I have the same problem but I tried many ways like taking all their liking but it doesn't work. At the end I found the good boarding school. I sent him there but gave him back all his thing like phone, computer and other thing that he likes. He refused at first but slowly get use to the environment. It's been almost 10 months now and he show me a lot of changes. He is more discipline and start to listen. In fact he knows how to take care the chores at home. May be you can start doing the same thing for temporary so that they understand about life.

I never hit my 13 y/o son. I try to discuss everything and make him look at me. I ground, ground, ground and that means taking everything they treasure away...ipod, tv, ps2, outside play, no friends, no phone priveleges etc. The problem with limiting only one or two things...my kids think oh well, I've still got my (such and such) and I'll be ungrounded shortly so no big deal. I'm somewhat of a lenient and democratic mother that believes her children have the right to say how they feel so they can let it out. But they must to ask to anything outside of our usual rules and backtalking after the discussion gets them in trouble once I've made a decision. If they don't listen (or mind) consequences result whether they like it or not and it's all about respecting authority. It's hard for kids because they don't know all the outside consequences...how can they...they're brains are still developing as a teenager. Be consistent and loving....Good luck hope this helps from our home to yours.

Unfortunately, 14 is the age where you "know everything" and I'm sure you remember the time when you thought your own parents were completely stupid. The best way to discipline, is to teach responsibility for their actions. They don't want to hear "because I'm the mom and I said so..." because it doesn't actually help. Give a valid reason for everything, be creative if you have to.

For example:

My mom didn't want me to stay out late on school nights, and I would fight her about it. Finally she figured that at 14 I was old enough to make decisions on my own, so she said "No more curfew, but you absolutely have to get up for school in the morning, and if you're late by even a minute, then back to the old way." Well, I stayed out really late only one night, because my first class was at 6:30am and it really sucked to have to go to school so sleepy. Lesson learned!

Good luck...these are the hardest years, when they get older they realize how little they really know.

14 is a really difficult age. At 14 your kid is struggling to become her own person at home and at school. You should talk with her about things she wants to do and things you want her to do, that way you both can have a better understanding. If you try listening to her, she'll definitely try listening to you. I'm not saying bend your rules, but just hear her opinion. When I was 14 all I wanted was to be treated like a person who had thoughts, not a 5 year old that you order around.

the same way your mom and dad discipline you. i know kids that get discipline sometime put that fear in moms and dads like i call the law on you if you spank me ,, as i would tell them call the law, go ahead, make my day, if it get to the point were the 14teen year old don't listen , then you might need to call the law to get some help.its hard to do but can be done ,if you live in the country there a lot of way to discipline.

I think it takes patience and respect.

I know that sounds weird, but believe me, teens are not going to listen to you if you're heavy-handed. I'm not saying there should be no consequences for their actions, but you really need to listen to your teen's opinions, try to understand them, I know they can do stupid things sometimes, but you have to show them you really care.

Sometimes as teens, or even children, if our parents are too harsh (I don't mean strict - strictness is good, with kindness), we begin to think that they are merely trying to be controlling. Once that idea is in your head, it becomes a power struggle, because you don't want to do what the parents say because they're just being controlling, and they will seem more and more controlling because they're frustrated.

Basically, you have to get into your teen's head, and be kind. They NEED to be treated as adults (I know 14 is young, but it helps them). They also need you to EXPLAIN yourself. When you don't want them to do something, or want them to do something, they need to be kindly told why you feel the way you do.

Take away the computer, the video games, and 'ground' them from friends and social activities. Talk to them as a young adult, share rationally your views on what is wrong with their behavior and treat him with the same respect you want to be treated with. Impress the value of working to accomplish things and then reward the proper behavior by allow those things back into his life when he has shown improvement. Remember, YOU are the adult and You Do have the right to give AND take things from him as his behavior warrants.

You save yourself the grief and wait until they're 18 and then kick'em out. Seriously though, that age is the hardest because you wake up one morning and go, "Oh, crap! I can't stand them in the corner anymore and they're as big as I am so I can't beat them. What to do???" After going through that period with my kids four - count 'em, four - times, the only affective way I've found is to smile, take a deep breath, dig up all the love you have, and take away their privileges.

Confine him/her to his/her bedroom. Grounded! NO phone, NO TV, NO game systems, NO anything fun/enjoyable to him/her. When you take all this away, he/she won't have anything to do but sit and think about the way he/she's acting to continue getting in trouble all the time. Just be consistant in whatever you choose to do and don't cater to him/her AT ALL. Make him/her do chores at home when he/she would normally be with his/her friends. When you take that "free time" away, they're at a total loss cause "everyone else gets to do it..." except your lovely child. You have to punish them or they'll run all over you, at times, daring you to do something. But you do have the power to do something until he/she moves out of your house (at 18 or so). Be firm and stick to your word. Consistancy is the key.