What's the dirtest Xrtaed joke you know?

A man is dyeing to go Toilet unfortunatly the building he was in the gents was out of order. He looks around and spots the ladies and quickly goes over as he approaches he sees a man standing next to the door. "Please mate i can i use the ladies" he says "not a problem but i must warn you on the side of the Toilet is three Buttons the first two you can press but not the third" in replaiy he says ok. the man quickly goes in and does the business as he finises he spots the three buttons and rememberd what the man told him so he presses the firts button and a jet of water comes up and washes his bum he then presses the second button and it was warm air like a dryer to dry him of. So after that he's thinking about the third button and wondering why he couldn't press the third button the first and the second were ok. Next to the button were three letters (A.T.R) with temptation he presses the third button next thing he is in Hospital. the man that was a the building visits him and asked him what happened. He said "i did excatley as you told me but i thought after pressing the two buttons it would be ok to press the third button". "what did happen he said when i pressed the third button a hand came up and ripped me privates off i did warn you but you never listened as the man was going the man on the bed remenberd the three letters. "By he way what does A.T.R stand for the man replies Automatic Tampax Remover.

Every morning, the crowd on Coney Island beach was startled to see a jogger with the build of a pro foot-ball player but a head the size of a baseball. Finally, some brave young man got up the nerve to stop him and ask, "What happened to give you such a small head?" The jogger sadly told the story of finding a magic lamp on the beach, which produced a beautiful genie when rubbed. The genie said, "I now give you one wish. Do you want a quick f*ck or a little head?

Bloke walks into a pub with a flamingo and a manx cat. They all sit at the bar, the bloke buys a pint for himself, a vodka and coke for the cat and a bacardi breezer for the flamingo. When they've finished their drinks, the flamingo buys the next round, then the bloke buys another round, then the flamingo, then the bloke, etc, all night. They're all really pissed and about to leave when the barman says to the bloke, hey, what's the story with you and the cat and the flamingo?

The bloke says, well, it's a funny thing, I was on my way to the pub when I found this genie lamp, so I rubbed it and the genie said you can have one wish, so I asked it for a tall bird with a tight pu ssy!

A man driving the night time bus opens the doors to allow a old woman to come aboard

The woman says she has just been raped

He picks up 7 other women with the same complaint

They had all been raped

He wonders what man has raped all these elders

Then with all the raped women on the bus he picks up an elderly man

The man then goes and sits in the back

Then he hears the women saying

"WE ARE BEING RAPED"

The man sees the old man touching all the womens pu$$ys

When confrunted he says, " I lost my tupet (hair)"

"I thought I saw it 7 times but then it got up and ran away!!!"

DO U GET IT???

LOL

Knock Knock on the front door.

Important looking gent says"Are you Bert Higginbotham?"

"Yes I am."

"I'm from the Ministry of War and I've come to award you compensation for your injuries you received in the Second World War."

"That's 50 years ago!You've come to apologise for my injuries suffered 50 years ago?!!!!!!!" screamed Bert.

"You cheeky bastard! Compensation!50 years late!"

"Right!" continued Bert,"I'll take compensation in the form of £1 per inch from the tip of my **** all the way to my bollocks."

"If that's what will make you happy,"said the man from London.

"Aye,it bloody will," said Bert,already undoing his pants.

Right,get ruler lad.Here we go.

"From the tip of me co-k,1-2-3-4-5-6."

"Excuse me Sir," said the important War man,"but where are your balls?"

"On the fcuking beach at Dunkirk!"

I am blatently stealing this of someone on Yahoo Answers by the way! (dont care, its the funniest joke ive heard in a long time)!

Wife says to husband: I went to the doctors today, and he said that i have the backside of a 21 year old!

Husband to wife: Oh yeah, what did he say about your 40 year old c*nt?!

Wife to husband: Oh he didnt ask about you!...........

Can't do it on Y/A. Sorry. But you woulda loved them.

M

A man rang into work to say he was sick & not coming in.

"How sick are you?"

"So sick I'm in bed with my 5-year-old sister".

make me Mr. Bossy pants

'i love you'. lol