What ways are effective to avoid or minimize sibling rivalry?

Start by not showing any favoritism. When there's a conflict between two or more kids, resist the impulse to automatically scold the older child simply because they should know better. I've often found that when the younger child comes crying "She took my toy!" what he fails to mention is that she only took it after he hit her in the head with it! I always gather everyone involved and get all sides of the story. Each has a turn to tell their view of events. The truth lies somewhere in the middle.

Punishments for misbehaviors need to be consistent. You can't let one kid get away with never cleaning their room, while the other loses privileges for the same offense. Chores should be age appropriate, of course, but the oldest child shouldn't be burdened with an unfair workload just because they're more capable. If this is unavoidable, offer a small allowance or some other little "extra" to even things up a bit. I've taught my kids to see our family as a team. We all work together to finish the job so we can all play together longer.

I have found when my older kids just won't stop bickering, a great punishment is to send them to their rooms to make a list of 10 nice things about the other person. When they've finished, they come out and each reads their list to the other. It helps keep things positive. It's also hard to stay mad at someone who's just said so many nice things about you!

Try to make one on one time for each child on a regular basis. Whether it's getting out together or just storytime or a game or movie at home, spend time letting each child know how special they are by giving them your undivided attention. This can be difficult because life makes many demands on our time, but that makes it that much more valuable to you kids.

Just know that it's impossible to erradicate sibling rivalry altogether. These ideas have helped me to minimize it within my own family and curb it with my friend's kids. I hope this is of some help to you. Good luck!

I have 2 comments to try and help you. 1. When mine were that age, I was reading a book on sibling rivalry with the same question in mind that you have. It made me realize something. This is to try and help parents understand how children feel. If your husband came home and said he loved you so much, he was going to bring home a second wife and wouldn't that be great !!! And you could share your room and toys and everything with her. I know it is not the same, but I think it is an eye opener into what goes on in the little one's minds. 2. My parent mentor told me :"at that age they really do want to be together" so tell them if they can't get along, then they will each go to their own room or separate time out spots. Separated so there is no connection by sight, verbal etc. They are without the other. This worked for me because they learned that if they started sibling rivalry,fighting, then I would say, you must not want to play together so let me help you, play in your room alone . They knew the warning and stopped the fighting. Of course like real life,there will always be sibling rivalry and I think it is mostly trying to get parental attention. ????

Don't compare your kids.

Avoid phrases like "why can't you be more like xyz"

If you praise one kid for being good in school lets say... try to find something to praise the other one for also... Maybe he/she is artistic, or good at sports

Don't force them to play or do the same activities if they don't want to.

Don't play favorites.

Be warned thought that some form of sibling rivalry will occur regardless of what you do especially if they are both boys or both girls, it's how you handle it that's the clincher. Don't take sides!

Good luck.

Even the most effective parents, who have more than one child, will experience sibling rivalry amongst their children.

It is a normal occurrence. We all want to be accepted, to have approval for what we do and who we are. Most importantly we need to feel loved---and who better to meet these needs in childhood than our parents?

I would tell my children that we all get our turn. If children are taught from the start that we must take turns, then they learn to be genuinly happy for others. I also did not tolerate disrespect between siblings. (they fought when I wasn't around, but learned to communicate when not allowed to just scream at each other)

declare one child the winner. and reinforce it. if more than 2 children create a pecking order.

once they know their place there will be no more rivalries.

It's a crazy idea, but let them play with Tickle Me Elmo TMX. They'll then learn to laugh and play with each other. You may also browse this site http://www.upkb.com/elmotmx.php for product tips and details.

I let my oldest help in any way he could. I found it worked quiet well. But with this you also have to be careful not to make your oldest help or they will feel that this baby is making them do things they don't want to. Good luck to you, and remember every child will react differently.

gosh tell me when you get the answer because I need help on that one. My kids never stop.