How can you tell if your teenage son may be gay?

Ok look, I know there are a lot of other answers on here and don't know if you're even going to get to this one, although I hope you do.

When I was 15 I was sure I was gay, and I hated myself for it. I ended up on a self destructive path of drugs and drinking to keep my mind off it. This all lasted for about 5 years. I've been sober for a long time now and only drink once a week. Ok, all that aside, I really wish that my mom would have come to me if she suspected it even just a little bit. I wanted her so badly to tell me that she would always love me if I was gay and that nothing would change. I always had a good relationship with my mom, but I guess when people don't know you're gay they unknowingly may hurt you. She'd always talk about wanting grandchildren and how I'd marry a pretty and smart girl and all that did was make me depressed. I felt like I would be disappointing her for being gay so I kept it inside me. I just wish she would have at least asked me straight up (no pun) if I was gay. Even if I wouldn't have been comfortable with admitting it I would have known it was OK with her and probably would have told her much sooner. It also would have saved me a lot of heartache and a lot of stupid decisions on my part.

No matter how much you love someone it takes a lot of courage to tell them your deepest secret. Now mine is out and I feel better than ever, like the weight of the world was lifted off my chest, and I can finally be myself! So if you suspect it, ask him. Even if he denies it, tell him that you will always love him, and that nothing would change ever, even if he decided he was later on. Maybe he just hasn't entirely figured it out yet, or maybe he's afraid to admit it. Just be there for him, that's the most important thing.

Aw, come on, now, you can tell a gay guy from a straight guy.

One note, cross dressing is not usually a GAY thing. It can be an Identity crisis, or an extrovert 'choice' to get attention. Whether it is a sickness, or the healthiest thing he could do, is subject to more analysis. It is probably harmless, and, anyway, should be ignored by you. Unless he is putting runs in YOUR stockings...

And, there are shades of gender in-between that are hard to fathom. But, what does it matter to you? You would love him anyway, right? So, lighten up. You can't influence his reality, at this late stage.

So, as if the straight guy doesn't have hormone rushes, and huge conflicts, you perhaps think only a male who is trying to define whether he is gay has it tough?

Everyone has some conflict, when going through the stages to become an adult. You should pay attention to Dr. Ruth, and to Nurse Sue Johannsen, when they talk about gender, sex, and how we provoke the bias, as parents, that our kids suffer under.

No matter the proclivity, or desires, and no matter what they 'like', talk about being safe, and living a nice long life.

Some of us did, but, they made some mistakes, and now, they aren't here anymore.

Just love your child the best you can, and hope that he learns to make good choices. Then, try to stay out of his personal life, and you will be much more calm...

Remember, children are the arrows shot from our bow, and we can have little more influence upon them than does the breeze!

The one thing I wished my parents would do when I was 17 was be there to talk to and let me open up, instead of taking the broom and shoving me back into the closet. He is who he is. Don't barge into his room. Knock on the door, if you start to have a strong inclination or feeling tell him YOU know, comming out for him may be a hard. VERY hard, if you tell him you know and you'll love him no matter what. It will lift the burden off of him.

If you're unsure, do what my sister did to me, leave a copy of La Cage Aux Folles lying around. If he starts humming "I am what I am" he's gay, I kid. Let him be who he his, at 17 I was everything, a Goth, Chorus Geek, Straight A student, and a long distance runner (My letterman jacket had a major case of Schitzoprenia) Just follow these guidelines, if he's not hurting himself or others let him be.

I don't think wearing girl's clothes indicates homosexuality. Cross dressers are often straight. They just like the look of women's clothing. I agree wtih the second poster. Make sure you tell him that you are ok with homosexuality. I'd say establish this fact for a while. Then either let him come to you, or ask him (in a non-judgmental way). Make sure to watch your tone. Because you may think you sound concerned, but he might feel like you're accusing him of something that you don't approve of.

Just make sure he knows you love him and that you are fine with homosexuality in general.

Also, try not to say things like "you're too young to be doing......" That really fires teens up. What they really want is respect and to be treated like an equal, not like they are inferior to you. Remember, to young people, 17 is old. A hundred years ago, people had jobs and got married at 17. Don't doubt how capable teenagers really are. They mostly just have their priorities mixed up....

Most 17yo males dont want to wear womens clothes and wont let guys even touch there neck with their lips. Saying this with respect, I already can tell something is different about him there.

Ask him where he got his hickey from. Also, just come out and ask him why he likes wearing womens clothes...maybe its his way of sending signals to you that he has gay thoughts and wants you to talk to him about it. If hes gay, hes prob not gonna change now so might as well get stuff out in the open now, esp before college

Ask him. I hope your household and relationship with him is one of love and support. If it is, there is no reason for him to be on the defensive. It will be a little uncomfortable, but when you are through with the conversation, I'm hoping you guys will be closer. Every gay person is totally unique. Being gay doesn't necessarily mean that he wears women's clothes.

Well in most schools they (the students) are going through this phase i guess, where it is very cool for guys to wear girl clothes(girl pants, pink clothes ect.) So about the hickey, you may never know because his friend may have been joking. I really dont know what to say beyond that point

Try looking into e computer for porn websites. But even if u find out something, keep it to ureself. Do Not tell anyone not ure son or his siblings or ure husband. U do not want to complicate things especially if other family members cannot accept it. If u find out that he's been surfing gay porn websites, then it shuld be rather obvious. U shuld not question him about his orientation. it culd be a teenage phase where he is trying to discover his sexual orientation. wait for him to tell u about his sexual preference. It wuld be easier for u to acceot the fact that he is gay if u know it befroehand. At least u wuldnt be cot offguard n start interrogating him... U will have to assure him that u wuld love him as he is, instead of telling him to go for counselling and all that. those can wait. if he is willing to come out to you, he wuld need some time to adjust to his i dentity. REMEMBER, dont rush things.

I really don't know how many more clues you need... Does a house have to drop on you? It's quite obvious that he is Gay.

But some of the prime indicators are:

1) Foremost, a domineering mother.

2) An absent, invisible or uninvolved father who has not affirmed the heterosexual identity of the son through male bonding before the age of 16.

3) Lots of girlfriends and few guy friends.

4) A proclivity for feminine things and obsession with female attire.

If you have a halfway decent relationship with him, maybe you could just ask if he has a special someone in his life yet and see what happens. Or maybe through normal conversation, show that you are fine with gays (like talking about a famous gay person or a movie with gays or transvestites or something in a very normal accepting way) so that he sees you are safe to talk to about those things.