Need Critiquing?

You've misspelled the title of your web page. It reads "The best ORIGIONAL [sic] Fiction...", and I have a hunch you mean "original." :-)

Anyway, your stories are very dramatic, but not very distinctive. This might be a criticism of the "fantasy" genre in general, so don't take it to personally -- all fantasy books are essentially the same with minor variations, and if I find your stories clichéd it might just be because the fantasy genre seems like a neverending font of clichéëdness to me.

With that in mind, here are some observations:

I like the humor of moments in your work like this: "A blunt nose stuck itself into the entrance of my cave and the dog it was attached to began to growl deep in its throat." These sort of language games give your narrator, Major, a more distincitve voice.

You clearly have a pretty good idea of how to leverage dramatic tension to keep the reader interested. It makes your exposition in "Major" clip right along, anyhow.

So that stuff is working well. On to the difficulties. Your principal problem, as I see it, is that your characters seem very flat and one-dimensional. "Major" is just a sort of generic woman fantasy hero -- scrappy and tough but also smart, with a wry sense of humor and a body such that she could be in a harem, evidently. There's a reason that every female fantasy protagonist is like that, which is that variants on the character of "Major" are easy to write, and both boys and girls like to read about them. But from a storytelling perspective, she just seems. . . sort of bland.

Anyway, in reading your stories, that was my biggest issue: that, in general your characters don't seem terribly deep or well-developed.

Nevertheless, you're doing very well for someone your age. Keep writing!

Sorry, honey nothing happened when I went to the site you gave