Zany way to order a pizza!?

1. If using a touch-tone phone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.

2. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

3. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

4. Give them your address, exclaim, "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.

5. Answer their questions with questions.

6. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.

7. Use these bonus words in the coversation: ROBUST, FREE-SPIRITED, COST-EFFICIENT, UKRANIAN, PUCE

8. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

9. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.

10. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

11. Stutter on the letter 'p'.

12. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

13. Say "hello", act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

14. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panice and become disoriented.

15. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.

16. Change your accent every three seconds.

17. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.

18. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say, "Bed-wetters' camp, right?"

19. Start your order with, "I'd like . . .", a little later, slao yourself and say, "No, I don't!"

20. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right say, "OK, that'll be $10.99, please pull up to the first window."

21. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

22. Put the accent on the last syllable of 'pepperoni'. Use the long 'i' sound.

23. Say, "are you SURE this is Papa John's?" When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!"

24. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream, "GOODBYE!" at the top of your lungs.

25. Imitate the order taker's voice.

26. When they say, "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."

27. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the delivery driver hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.

28. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.

29. Ask to see a menu.

30. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.

31. Belch directly into the mouthpiece, then tell your dog it should be ashamed.

32. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say, "Where was I? Who are you?"

33. Psychoanalyze the order taker.

34. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.

35. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."

36. Call to complain about the service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.

37. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.

38. Report petty theft to the order taker.

39. Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town!"

40. Woner aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.

41. Try to talk while drinking something.

42. Start the conversation with, "My call to Papa John's, take one, and . . .action!"

43. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."

44. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does?" Stimulate a cutoff.

45. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."

46. Say, "Kssssssshhhht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.

47. Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.

48. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.

49. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that say, "I said, 'sauce smothered with meat'!"

50. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say, "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.

51. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time say, "You just don't get it, do you?"

52. When you're given the price say, "Oooooooooh, that sounds complicated, I hate math."

53. When they say, "Will that be all?" snicker and say, "We'll find out, won't we?"

54. Order with a Speak-and-Spell where applicable.

55. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.

56. Dance all around the word 'pizza'. Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it say, "Please don't mention that word."

57. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell, "OW!" when a bullet is fired.

58. Order a steamed pizza.