mother IN law from HELL?

I don't think you are crazy! They are YOUR children, not hers, and she doesn't have a right to yell at your children like that. Not sure why your husband isn't being rational here with you and understanding why you are upset. As for the smoking, my mother-in-law smokes outside only. I still don't like my son to be around her after she's smoked- because it STINKS bad! But, at least she goes outside...if she didn't, I wouldn't let him around her. This lady sounds like she has some major issues. And your husband is probably right- she won't change... so you should set your limits... if she can't act like an adult and be a caring grandmother, she can't see your children. Same goes for smoking- if she can't smoke outside, she shouldn't be around them period. They will be more likely to get asthma and things like that- all of my grandparents smoked around me and my younger brothers... we all have asthma, I don't have it too bad, but my youngest brother sure does! Have her come to your house to see them, and if she acts up, you can make her leave.

I just don't understand why family members are like this. Family should be strong and stick together and love one another. Family is important, so why be nasty? I think it's the person really, and yes, getting them to change their bad ways is one you might not be able to do. It's just sad they can treat their family members badly. Goodluck, and don't put up with it! You have kids to worry about, they should come first, and your mother-in-law needs to respect it, because you are the parent- she had her chance with her son.

I would love to give you some good advice that will work. However the common sense answer you dismissed. You need to move out. You are 52 and I am sure you look great. Why the heck would you marry a man to move in with his mother? A woman you already had problems with when planning the wedding (RED FLAG) You did not say how old he is but you should have your act together by now. Bottom line, your mother in law doesn't like the idea of you free loading and living there. Sorry to be harsh but this is why she dose this to you. She enjoys her son and wants him to stay not you. Your husband is NEVER going to side with you against MAMA. What you see is what you get. If I was you I would be looking to better my life and be self sufficient so I don't have to live with people who abuse me.

Oh my, I am sorry that you are having to deal with someone like this. You have every right to step in and say something when someone is being hateful to your child. If you don't want her to smoke around them, tell her that too. I really think it was a good thing that you got your feelings out in the open, and also a good thing that your husband talked with her. However, if she thinks it is not a legit problem, then you should take steps to seperate her from family functions untill she reolizes that what she is doing, and how she is acting is wrong. I wish the best for you and hope you have a Merry Christmas.

You have a point. First, the smoking is dangerous to their health, especially a growing child. Next, that atitude is screwed up. His whole family puts up with her, but that doesn't make her any better. They are enabling that behavior. First, I'd talk to the husband. Tell him you expect to be treated with respect in your own house. She is not allowed to cuss or yell at the children. If she does, you'll tell her to leave and call the cops if she doesn't go. You can't change her, but you can keep from her from poisoning your children.

My monster-in-law issue became so bad that we divorced his parents. It took alot of crying on my part, alot of frustration, and alot of time. She was totally ruining my marriage. The worst part is she told my mom that divorce would be great cause it would get me away from her son and she's see the kids more. Until I caught her in a big lie in front of my husband and make him see what she was doing, I was stuck. Its been over 4 years and he's back in contact, but the kids and I are not. If they choose to know his parents at 18, that is fine. Until then I'm protecting my children.

It could get that bad for you. You need to decide if you could single parent, or if you can live in this situation. You might not be able to control how she is in your house, but you can control her acess to the kids if she keeps acting like that in front of them. It is not normal for a grandparent to yell and cuss at a grandchild. If nothing else, surely you can get your husband to see that. What a horrid role model for your kids.

When I was pregnant we laid down some ground rules, like no smoking around the baby. This was easy to agree to.

However, I also will not let my husband take our son to see his parents without me there. Nor let them babysit. He resents it, but honestly I just put my foot down.

I am sick of the "That's just the way he is" (it's my FIL I have a problem with). Because before this a couple of times I have lost it on him and then he behaves for awhile. So if everyone started to expect him to behave HE WOULD. It is so frustrating.

Anyway none of us are really looking forward to chrismas. FIL doen't want to see his SIL, actually no one wants to see SIL, most of us don't want to see FIL either. And we all know there is going to be some big thing that happens. *Sigh* that is why I am not looking foreward to Christmas.

So anyway just make your rules and stick to them and practice saying in the mirror "Because he/she is my child and I said so. And if you will not abide by my rules you will not see your grandson/daughter"

Hun. I was in the same situation with mine...not that I have a 4 y/o but I married the baby of them family and she stooped to the level of telling him that I was pregnant with somebody elses baby and pinning it on him. I didn't realize anybody else had a mil like mine. I feel for ya.

What you need to do is...Tell your hubby that you understand that She is his mother and she'll always be BUT she doesn't need to control your children or you. ALSO......you need to tell your hun that he needs to support you and your decisions. Because you are the woman he decided to spend the rest of his life with. AND tell him that he needs to stand up to his mom. Tell her to back off of you also that you know what you're doing with your children. A couple of suggestions are okay but swearing at the child is unacceptable.

She should respect you and your kids. Swearing and smoking in front of them is disrespectful..

I would tell him that you don't want that bad influence around your children. You don't want your 4 y/o to swear at you and be like well gramma told me those words I thought they were okay to use.

My hun talked to his mom and she seems to be more civil but there are times where I want to plunge her head into frozen water. He told her to accept that I'm going to be with him for the rest of our lives and if she doesn't like it then that's tough cuz I'm the only thing that makes him happy. and that is all that mattered in his life.

Sounds to me your husband is afraid of her. He needs to stop being a spineless jellyfish and support you. If she smokes around your kids, tell her that it is NOT ACCEPTABLE because of the health risk that second hand smoke carries. My husband's mother smokes heavily and he will not let her smoke around them. Swearing at your 4 year old is in no way acceptable. I wouldn't allow her in my home if she acts like that.

look if u think shes gonna have a bad influence then tell ur husband that and tell him that u dint want this 2 ruin ur relationship plus she yelled at a 4 yr. old that cant be good. tell him all ur telling us. let him no that this isnt good and u dont feel COMFORTABLE with her acting like that dont say u dont like her that will get u into a fight.

Your husband has lived with this his entire life. Of course he thinks it's normal.

Time to have a conversation and set ground rules. Explain to your husband what you think is wrong with her behavior and what you expect from your MIL. Talk about how you both will deal with it when she can't behave in a way conducive to the proper development of your children. Agree on what actions to take to stop this behavior from affecting your marriage.

Then move 3 hours away.

your husband is a momma's boy and needs to stand up for you. Let me guess- he is easy going, doesn't like confrontation, wants peace at any cost, and is not motivated. When she comes over- leave. Have your husband go over and visit her without you. You need to protect your kids lungs. You need a support group, someone you can talk to- or even a counselor to help your husband see the damage he is doing to your realtionship with him. He needs to PROTECT YOU at all costs.