Emotional help?

You smoked a cigarette for it's calming effect. Is that SO terrible? He's giving you the "cold" treatment now as punishment. I'm glad you're on here. We'll talk to you, and try to encourage you. You are NOT alone. We are real peolple, and we REALLY want to help. Keep asking questions.....we'll keep responding, and ENCOURAGING you! Good Luck!!

The worst thing you can do is take your own life.

I know how hard it is to quit smoking, i quit so many times in the past that I didn't think I ever would.

December 31, 1995 @ 9:45 pm was my last cigarette.

You got caught in a few lies, that's not good, but it doesn't make you a cheater.

About a year ago, my husband and I went dancing. It's was an open floor, so everyone danced with every one. I missunderstood the rules. I danced with whomever asked.

Big mistake. He didn't talk to me for days. And he didn't

tell me why. But I had a feeling I knew.

I wrote him a letter, telling him that he always told me that I never told him what was bothering me. I told him that whatever it was that I did, I'm sorry. I don't know how many times I can say it, but I will say it a thousand times more.

Basiclly, I humbled myself to him.

I submitted to everything.

we talked, and now, we talk about almost everything.

I still have a long way to go, because of being abused as a child, but I will get there.

Don't give up. You will feel unsuccessful, and get depressed, but don't let it control you.

"You" need to take control of the situation.

You love him, make this demond that come between you be 'the other woman' and kick her ***.

I'm not saying there's another woman, but the cloud over your marriage is another woman.

Take back your marriage, and make it like it was when you were dating.

Fix his favorite meal. the way to a man's heart is threw his tummy!

Seduce him.

Win him back.

I know you can do this, you wouldn't ask for help if you didn't want him back.

Go get him girl

You are woman!!!!!! Roar!!!!!!! Fight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You made a mistake, get over it!!!!!!!!!!!

That husband of yours isn't helping you one bit. No wonder you feel worthless and alone; with him making you feel like a criminal for telling a few fibs. The way he rebukes you for being sincere enough with your apologies it's HIM, not YOU, that is ruining the present. This so terribly unfair. All he does is come off as is an unsupportive, self centered, mean spirited lout who's abuse and insensitivity is ruining your self esteem and moral character. If he had one ounce of humanity in that thick hide of his he would do anything to see that you got some help and try to get you back on track. Don't believe for one minute that you deserve to be treated in such a hap hazard callous manor. You are trying your best to cope and he is making it impossible for you to do so. He comes across like he wants you out of his life. If so, his tyrannical methods are a cowards way out. It might be time for you to start thinking about taking a break, to go somewhere to clear your head and get a new perspective on how to proceed with your life. There is no doubt that you are a good natured decent person and accordingly you deserve to have a life of fulfillment and a marriage that offers you the happiness that was promised to you.

Hi, You are in such emotional pain. Though everything feels hopeless right now, it will feel differently soon. This is just a small episode in a life's journey-try not to hurt yourself over this. I think you need to find a friend close by. Perhaps a wise woman...a therapist would be awesome, if you can afford it.

It seems like he's being very hard about this. Is he overreacting?

I mean, cigarettes are not healthy, but it isn't your husband's place to tell you how to live your our own life. It sound like you lie to him out of fear. If so, your relationship sounds like an unequal partnership. If you aren't ready to quit smoking, tell him so and that you'll quit when you decide to quit and the more he nags, the less likely you are to be motivated.

However, for your own sense of self-worth as well as his respect of you, you need to commit to yourself to be truthful, honest with 1) yourself and 2) others. Its hard, but it is so powerful and gutsy and clean feeling to just lay the truth down. Also, if you let him run over you, his behavior toward you will only get worse.

If you are afraid to tell him the truth, you may need to seek additional counsel and possibly leave the relationship. If he is violent, seek help immediately.

It sounds like you need help establishing boundaries and self-esteem. You might try checking out the self-help section at the book store...books have helped me tremendously.

Respect your husband and show him respect too and even go as far as telling him you respect him and then he will love you back.

He is obviously very stressed and taking it all out on you, however by honouring what he asks of you an NOT smoking, you will find favor with him.

There are 3 books I want to recommend you get from the library of buy from a book store. Get them all its worth every dime.

LOVE AND RESPECT by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

WILD AT HEART (Understanding men) by John Eldredge and

CAPTIVATING by Staci Eldredge.

These books made all the difference in the world to my marriage and will do the same for you too.

Dont feel bad, become a confident woman, overiding negative thoughts and operating in the positive. Stop nagging and criticising and begin to retain your integrity and dignity and be a supportive wife. Tell him what you respect about him and do it in a letter. Apologise for slipping up and quit. Its an expensive hobby, smoking!

I wish you a successful harmonious and wonderful future together. Get the books fast and read them. I wish someone had given them to me when I was younger!

you need to sit down and really talk as friends, people forget that they should be best friends first and always, before everything else. Then talk about the things that matter, and find a resolution for you both, not just the one. If this guy isn't able or willing to do such a thing, then you know that not only he isn't your best friend, then also that he has no love for you,this will tell you that its time to move on to a happier relationship with the right one. find me.

From what you have written I get the impression you are young, maybe to young to be married.

Your chosen method of dealing with stress is to hurt yourself, that too sounds juvenile. You need to seek professional help for that.

The biggest issue is you have destroyed his trust in you. This is going to take a lot of time and hard work on your part to earn back a good percentage of it. You have lied over something as minor as having a cigarette and in that past other "little" things.

A lie is a lie...whether its about having a cigarette or an affair. Marriage is about communication, honest communication and you have destroyed that.

Nobody here can help you, you have to change the person you are now into a better person. Yeah, we can give opinions, but the real work is on your shoulders and in the reflection you see in the mirror.

Reality bites, but you are no longer a little girl fibbing to mommy and daddy about your choices and actions.

I am going through a similar story like yours. Except it involves forgery on my life insurance and a corporation. I stayed in bed for a year. It took me that long to realize that no one deserves to be treated as if they are unworthy. You did something. You reached out with your question and it helped me to know that I am not alone. It sounds to me that he is making excuses to be mad at you. It is up to you if you want to continue living under that control. I made the hardest decision when I filed for divorce. I'm still hurting like it was yesterday. It is going on 2 years now. You deserve to live life to the fullest. Say to yourself over and over.

I AM WORTHY. Before long it will get easier.

hunny the answer is honesty no matter his reaction always be honest stop beating urself up now for the mistakes u made by lieing and start a fresh by being honest let him trust u again oh and by the way if hes one of those possessive type of guys that wont let u outta his site GET RID OF HIM!!!! lol and dont hurt urself ur worth more than that

see a counsellor for help with your self esteem - you're not a bad person - we all tell little lies once in a while - has he never told a lie in his life?

are there any groups you can join or maybe do some voluntary work to get you out and about and meeting new people? please don't despair - think of this as a new start and a positive move forward into the new year.