Am I a terrible parent?

Oh, poo on all these people who are advising you to take parenting classes. Did your husband offer up advice how HE would have handled the situation. At age 7, your son understands boundaries. He stepped over one of those boundaries when he attempted to execute control over you. If you were out of control when restraining him, that would be another question altogether. But you were in control, fully aware of not injuring him but restraining him. I'd venture to say that many of the people who are responding here have never seen a young child in the midst of a severe , vein popping, yelling, resistance temper tantrum.

my personal opinion:

spanking has been taken too far to extremes these days. i think what you did probably wasnt the best idea, but hey what do i know? it is your child and you should know whats best for him. But sometimes(alot of times) parents make mistakes. We're all human.

I don't know what kind of thing a 7 year old would have done that was such severe behavior, i wasnt there, I wouldnt know. But a suggestion for next time he misbehaves:

If he mouths off, lightly(but hard enough for it to sting a little bit) flick him on the cheek next to his mouth. The idea is to punish him where he did the wrong.

If he tries to hit you, grab him by the wrists and make him look you in the eye and tell him why he shouldn't do that. Whenever you punish him, make sure he knows what he did. He may not know what he did wrong. If he continues to try to hit you, either smack his wrist(not too hard), or bend him over your knee and give him a spank. Just one should do. Let him cry.

If the problem is he's not listening to you, make him listen. Hold his head so he'll look at you and talk to him. Make sure he understand's why mommy's doing this. If he doesn't take his time out, pick him up and plop him in the corner, or wherever you have him time out. If he gets up, put him back, and dont let him think its a game. If he tries to get up three times give him a light spank and sit him back down.

I'm not a parent, but I have great ones, baby sit a lot and observe how other parents rear their children. Discipline is a good thing when given the right amount. Sometimes a simple, "No. We don't ____" will suffice.

Sorry if this is too long and seems bossy. I just want to let you know there are better ways to rear him, and that you are not a loser, and that spanking is not child abuse.

I hope you take some of my advice=D.

No, it wasn't too much. I think your hubby needs to jump on the bandwagon with you, actually. You can't let kids run all over you.

I don't really believe in spanking either but there is a time and a place for everything. It sounds like he should have been getting a spanking about 3 years ago so would wouldn't have to restrain him police style at age 7. What's going to happen at age 15? He's going to be bigger than you then, what are you going to do?

I think you should crack down on him now before he's older and you are on Yahoo! Answers asking if it's okay that your 13 year old hit you.

If your asking this question, and feel this strongly about the situation. Then I think, you have your answer. I don't think you feel right about what you did. I am NOT saying what you did was wrong. But I agree with the answer, that before you do that, a spanking is defintly in order. I mean, if he was being disrespectful enough not to go to "time out" (by the way time out for a seven year old, is VERY SILLY) then he knew what he was doing, he is asking for discipline from you. Show him you aren't going to tolerate it. A few spanks on the butt now, could prevent many problems in the future! (prison, drugs, disrespecting elders...etc.) I am lovingly answering this question, because as a parent it is so hard to know what to do when, and feeling guilty is part of the package...I guess.

Well, restraining the child that way is a little extreme I must admit. You could have just coiled around him. You know, wrapped your arms around his chest/arms and then your legs around his legs and just laid there. He wouldn't have been able to hurt you that way or anything.

But, I know you don't like spanking but it sounds to me like he needs it. I don't like spanking my kids but there are times when I do like when it's really dangerous. My 2 year old sat on a 6 month old that was strapped into a car seat. You couldn't see the 6 month old and she was starting to turn colors when I finally saw what my 2 year old was doing. I gave her 3 good swats and made her sit on the couch while I explained that what she did was wrong because it could have really hurt her cousin. She has NEVER done that again nor tried.

If your ways of punishment aren't working then they need to be adapted to what he will respond to. He is 7 years old. To me, that's too old for time out. But, if you don't want to spank, take all of his toys away, or tv, or phone, or nintendo/playstation/xbox. Take something that will make a difference in his life. And don't just take it away for a short amount of time because then he'll just be good for that little time. If he does bad things, add time. But never take away time because then he'll learn that he can act good and get it back faster. You want him to act good all the time.

I find this one very interesting. You have the crowd on here who thinks it is the most horrible thing in the world to spank a child.

Well you have been using the time out method apparently. See how good it works. For a seven year old to be that out of control.

Yes give him another time out. When he is 15 he will be sitting on your back.

I firmly believe that sometimes children need a good spanking. Your husband should have given him a good spanking right then.

I have spanked both of my children one time. Thats all it took one time. I have their respect. Not fear. I have a very good relationship and we can discuss anything. But they know there is a limit to what they can and cannot do. They know that there are consequences for their actions. Standing in a corner for 10 minutes? No. They know that if they cross the line I am going to be in their face. It only took one time. Your husband should have spanked this boy a long time ago.

So continue to use the time out method. Apparently it is working great. I think instead of restraing him you should have given him a good whooping.

I think at 7 years of age, he needs to be placed in his room for some cool off time. He's old enough to understand the consequences if he throws object, etc. around while in there. Once he's calmed down (or after 10 min. or so), you two talk about his behavior -- take away his favorite "things", whether it be video games, t.v., playing with his friends, etc. and explain to him that he needs to clean up whatever mess he made in his rampage (if one was made). I think that will send a clear message to him that his behavior is not acceptable. I find it hard to understand that you do not believe in spanking, but sitting on your child and restraining them in that matter seems to be more extreme?! I agree with your husband and am pretty certain that you actions weren't going to calm your child down, but rather make him even more furious and become even more aggressive. But, I also feel like if your husband was there -- he should have stepped in and helped. If this is a repeated problem, I would seek advice from your pediatrician and/or children's counselor, etc..

Best of luck to you and your family.

I don't think what you did was all that bad. I applaud your understanding of your role as a parent. Many people want to be their children's friends rather than their parents (you can be both, but parenting comes first). Making him stay in time out is a good thing, but I think a better approach would have been to keep physically moving him to time out again and again until you break his spirit. Using brute force is just unfair because he'll never win. If it's a battle of the wills, you've got an even playing field- just make sure you win. He needs to know that you mean business, so persistence is crucial.

Hey, listen, we all get exasperated.

I had a mjaor hormone problem and I thoguht that was why I did that kind of restraint. Maybe not so much, hunh? :-)

Good- Don't hit, that's something that will sting forever!

Now, there must have been something else you could have done...

Why wasn't hubby involved?

Where was he to back you up when you were getting NATURALLY overloaded?

Were you too independent to call for help?

So, let it go. You didn't do crack while pregnant, you didn't send him to the hospital, you didn't lock him up in a tin-foil room while home-schooling him.

Sure,you should think of things to take away next time.

Oh, and MOM, whatever you do, PLAN your threates before hand and ALWAYS Carry Through, even if you;'re wrong.

You can choose to not be so harsh the next time, but anytime you undo your word, you undo your power.

Your in a hard spot, I understand. What does he cherish the most in life? A stuff animal a TV show, play time with a friend, find out what and start taking those items he loves the most away. Most important, do not return them until the discipline period is up. I have found that this works well with any age. Just don't give in or it will never work.