I need to know if I am handling this situation in a good manner?

the whole situation is childish

all three of you

Well girl if it works for you I SAY GO FOR IT! Childish or not your nice! and your husband sure has confrontational issues as well. Wow. Your daughter is very disrespectful. But it seems to be the NORM these days. As I noticed parents tell their children to USE THEIR WORDS! give me a break.... All this touchy feely crap is for the PETS! not people. Reality WORKS! and I think your ways is good! And while your on your dead vacation. Why don't you treat your self to a COMPLETE SPA day on your husbands CREDIT CARD that would be the prefect ending. And you might want to sit down and discuss with your husband that he needs to show a little more parenting skills around the house. It's very important for BOTH parents to COMMUNICATE and show the child that family is a TEAM EFFORT! He sounds like a push over.

Seems to me there are several points here.

1. What is the nature of your relationship with your husband? Meaning, is he supposed to be MAN of the family or you two pretty much equal? If it is the latter, then you were supposed to fend for yourself.

2. It is generally true that the father is the disciplinarian and the mother is the spoiler (spoiling her children). In this case, the husband should exert discipline in terms of your daughter's lack of respect for her parents. But as a father playing this role, I resent being cast as the bad guy and the mom serves as the cover for the kids to run to. There is no reason the mother cannot impose discipline and must let the father do it. Besides, it is harder for a father to discipline his "little girl" who is now half grown up anyway. So you have to ask if your expectation is fair.

3. To play dead as you said is one from a child's playbook, no different than pouting. It says you are out of wits and can't handle this as an adult.

What your daughter said to you is by no means condonable. But you also don't have enough skills to hold your position without having to rely on your husband. And in the process, you have alienated him as well.

No, you are not being childish and yes you deserve love, tenderness and respect from your family.

Your daughter is a thoroughly nasty person and your husband has no backbone.

Still, you need to get on with both especially if you are financially dependent on either of them.

So the best way to handle this situation is act a little subdued but go back to your old routine. I trust you remember what the initial disagreement was about and won't place yourself in the same situation again.

Please change your screen name immediately. After you do what I said, then you can go back to being #1 Mom.

Your Husband is totally correct. You are definitely being childish.

Your child said she can't wait for you to dye? There's nothing wrong about that. So what if you dye? many people dye their hair.

BUT, if she said "die" then here's how you manipulate her offensive behavior.

No TV

No computer.

No phone calls

No visitors.

No communication with Mom.

Do the dishes. the more you refuse to do the dishes, the longer your punishment will be.

Tidy the house. The more you refuse to tidy the house, the longer your punishment will be...

Limit punishment should be 1 week, ONLY if she does what you say.

Done.

Next for your husband.

No sex for 1 month for allowing our child to speak to me like that..

No comfortable agrument for a period of time...

Done.

Your problem should be solved, and now you can be # 1 Mom

Yes, your hubby is right, you are being childish. If your daughter speaks back at you, just remain calm and try to focus your mind on other things. If you try to "fight" it out with your daughter, she may take it take you don't love her which I believe is not true right? To maintain peace and harmony in the house, it is best to remain quiet and try to reflect what you did or did not do. If you feel the need to correct your daughter, you should have a nice chat after your have finished with your house cleaning and more time to spend so yes, take time off house work and just have a casual chat with your daughter now and then so as to try to maintain that relationship. You can talk about anything under the sun. So hope this helps.

Do I think you’re being childish? Well…yeah. I don’t mean to be harsh, but it reminds me of a kid pouting. Find a more mature way of handling this.

I was at a friend’s house one day and her son was all upset that he couldn’t go somewhere with his friends because he hadn’t cleaned his room (after being told repeatedly for days to do it). And he screamed, “I hate you!” (and what child hasn’t said that to a parent at some point?) And she very calmly looked at him and said, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I certainly don’t hate you. And you’re still not going. Now go clean your room.”

THAT was a mature response. And notice, she didn’t go running to Dad to handle it for her. She handled it herself. (although I certainly understand that you feel Dad should have backed you up).

BE THE PARENT, and show your child HOW to be/act mature.

I don't think there is a "good" or "bad" way to handle the situation. All children do not tell their parents they hate them or wish they would die, so I would concentrate on getting counseling or help for your daughter. Although it has to be reitterated, that there is an appropriate and inappropriate way to speak to your parents/elders.

Personally, I don't think I would handle it the way you have, however, I can understand why you have. I don't think your solution will HELP the situation, though.

the whole question is why she said that in the first place. why was she upset. that is what should have been questioned first. it all depends then on the age of the child. you are the parent not her. one thing is she should have even had the chance to argue back. she should have listened to you. but then again it depends on how you approached her about what she said. if you yell or get angry and raise your voice she will do the same back. if you approach calmly in a voice that has respect me in its tone then she will listen.

I think you are being childish and now I know where your daughter gets it from. Every child at one point tells their parents "I hate you" or "I wish you were dead" or "I wish I had never been born." They are trying to get an emotional response out of you to hurt you. And you fell for it. Grow up, be a proper parent. It's not up to your husband to correct your daughter when she is rude to you. It is your job, or both of your jobs, but not just his job.

I think you are handling it fine... maybe HE will get a clue that in child rearing, both parents need to be on the same page and if one lets the child disrespect the parent... that is NOT ok. Let them fend for themselves for awhile... maybe they will learn something