Another poem by me.. what do you think of it ?

Question

Stuck

Here I am stuck in this small town
Where there is very little work to be found
I’ll probably be here for the rest of my time
Because of a past horrendous crime
It started with a social drink or two
But then it took off and just grew and grew
I thought I could handle it by myself
Till I took the life of someone else
I was arrested and charged by the local fuzz
And groups like MADD & SADD were all a buzz
They wanted to see me pay dearly for my crime
So the courts gave me the maximum time
So while in prison I sought some aid
And thanks to therapy I’m still sober today
Written by me an 18yr recovering alcoholic

Emerald · Accepted Answer

:) Very interesting, very good.

margot · Answer

I love that u are saying what u feel but i think u r taking a shortcut when u say u will be there for the rest of ur time when that's not true.  [U took a shortcut for the rhyme.  I wonder if that's not part of your behavior issues?]
Also, I like the honesty that you have decided this is bigger than you, but once again, it reads confusing because in the beginning it sounds like you are out and towards the mid-end it sounds like u are stuck/in the clink forever.  How can you be working in a small town and feeling like crap about that and in the clink at the same time?  This isn't a criticism, this is an honest question.
So while I really LIKE a lot of what you are saying and expressing and trying to do here, I am just a little confused.
Hey, maybe u r 2?
That's ok!
I think it's cool u took this step to express...it has made me a different person.
Don't stop.

mermaid · Answer

great!! e-mel me another poem at www.mermaidia_mermaidia@yahoo.com.my                           i want to be the first who read it...

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Another poem by me.. what do you think of it ?

3 Answers