should a future stepfather discipline his future stepkids?

That's rough, good luck with the 13yo. I would say try to keep it to a minimum and only discipline when mother cannot and within her guidelines. Most important thing is ask their mother what she wants you to do and to what, if any extents to do so by her wishes and respect/follow them. GL.

I would be careful with this. At this age, it will be hard to accept punishment from a step-parent because they see that they only have two parents. Mom and Dad. If you need to punish a step-child, it should be discussed with the mother at the first opprotunity given to find the right punishment the child should get, once coming to an agreement, you both should confront the child together so that the children see you both as a unified front. I don't think the children should be allowed to run all over you, so if you're having problems and unabel to talk to the mother because she's not there and the kids have been left in your care, then I would send them into their room for a while, and then calmly ask them to sit down and have a talk. Explain why you sent them to their room and how what they did upset you. Give them a chance to apologize and then speak to their mother about it, informing her of it. Let her talk to them about it, but enforcing another punishment, unless they did something really really bad, is not the thing to do. They were already punished. I hope this helps. Good luck.

Not until he actually is their stepfather, and only with the cooperation of their mom. I know some feel that becoming a stepfather automatically gives you fatherhood rights, but that's not true. And some feel that only mom should be the disciplinarian, but that's a recipe for disaster. My wife had to go in the hospital for a week and if I hadn't already been established as being able to mete out punishment as needed, the kids would have run wild or rebelled against me like nobody's business. Besides, being able to discipline is part of the bonding process. With punishment, there is also love and affection, which is NOT automatic just because you and you wife say vows. You need to agree on this before you take the final step.

Nope. Once you are married and you move in sit down and have a family meeting. Explain about the dynamics of the family and how you love them and want what is best for them and that both you and their mom will discipline them with love and fairness. Then talk about rules and also talk about consequences together so they know first hand what will happen if they break the rules. This is especially good for the parents for some children try to pit them against each other. If they know that both of you will react in the same way.....the know you are a united front. Also, talk about the importance of communicating together as a family.....good luck the teen years are hard to step parent.

Coming from a step-child, I say yes. I think that their should of course be a discussion between mom and step-dad about the types of discipline acceptable (just as any couple should have about discipline of their children). In my opinion you are a parental figure, and should be respected as such, but you also must take responsibility as such. You may not be daddy, but you are still their father figure, which means you will have an effect on the way that these children turn out, just because you are going to be a step-dad doesn't mean that you should coddle them either.

If they are his FUTURE stepkids then he's NOT their stepfather and the answer to should a guy discipline the children of his girlfriend the answer to that is HELL NO. They are NOT his children.

That is a tough question. Have you been in there live a long time? If your just coming into this relationship, I would earn the kids respect first before trying to discipline them. Kids rebel even against their natural parents. Consequences for their actions, like extra chores, time out, writing and apology are ways without harshness. Also ask mom what she would like you don't want to be going against her wishes.

Good luck with this one and bless you for caring about her kids and what is right for them. Change is always hard Be patient

Yes but make sure that you start off good because some Stepdad stepkid relationships can be a little separated at first.

Of course he should discipline. He will be the father figure in the home and they need to listen and respect him. Now, there is a wide range of discipline. I would sit down and talk to mom and dad before any "corporal' discipline, but sending the kids to their room or no phone? Most definatley.

No, not if he can help it. The best thing he can do is be the "buddy" and just back up mom when she disciplines. That doesn't mean that you let them run amok when you're the only adult but I would avoid that situation as much as possible until the new family was firmly established.