adopted child AND biological child?

I have both and I'm going to be completely honest with you. ok? ok. My adopted daughter has been with us for about 2 yrs now. We adopted her when whe was 8 from my worthless brother-in-law. We'd never met her until she came to live with us. The circumstances were horrible for her! She is a beautiful, smart, good hearted, loving, survivor. After 2 yrs we have finally meshed together as a family! Everyone has found their place and is good with it. However...the first yr was VERY hard. Our bio daughter (who is 12 now) was an only child until Morgan came and it was a HUGE adjustment for her. My point is if you do adopt just be very aware of your son's feelings! And as far as loving the same...NO you will not love them the same! I don't care what ANYONE tells you! You will not. The trick is realizing that not loving them the same is not a bad thing and that you will not have that bond that you had with your son. The bond will have to be developed over a longer period of time. I do not regret adopting her at all and she has taught us to love deeper and free. I wish you the best of luck! God bless!

I understand what you saying however, when you get a baby from birth you get this attachment and there is no way that you will not love that child like you own. My mother had 4 of her biological children and she adopted 2 more children and I felt that the adopted children got better treatment. Not that I was jeolous my mother was so into these childen also she has 1 girl from birth and the other girl was 3 years old. Ok so I was a little jeolous but it just comes natural because you as a child want to keep getting good treatment. Maybe it might be you 5 year old that might be jeolous, it depends on how you treat the new child.

I do not have both but I do have an adopted daughter who I do not know if I could love any more than I do.

It does not happen instantly but I also know many people with bio children who say they didn't love their child after birth instantly either.

When you give birth to or adopt a new born, they don't really do much and they don't have personalities. They grow and develope and you grow and develope with and around them. When you adopt an older child that has a personality that is fully developed you may not like the child. That was one of my major fears. My daughter was 12 months old when adopted. She came with a complete personality and I was afraid I would not like her.

The truth is it takes time to bond and attach to an adopted child. You may love them like you love a niece or nephew born into your family however, the attachment and bonding is not the same initially.

I would recommend reading the book Raising and Adopted Child. Many people think you can raise an adopted child the same as a birth child however, you really cannot do that. There is an extra layer of issues you need to consider.

I am all for adoption and whie some people think it is a second chioce, for me it was the first choice. I could have given birth but as a single why would I want to do that when there were so many children in this world that need homes?

I say go for it.

Hi,

I was in the same position you are in. Long story short- my husband and I are foster parents. Some of the children we have cared for have shown us that you can love a non biological child every bit as greatly as you do the child you gave birth to. We are in the process of adopting one (hopefully two) of our foster sons, and I can't imagine my life without them.

Ask any mother who has given birth a second time if she loves her second child less than her first. It's the same answer- the love is different for each child, but not any less or greater.

I know so many adoptive/biological parents who will tell you the same thing. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Anyone I know who has both adopted and biological children love them just the same. It’s understandable that you would fear you feel this way, I think that’s normal. Even Angelina Jolie was concerned she’d feel different about her biological baby over her adopted kids, but once the baby was there she realized they were all her children regardless how they came to her. I also know a couple who adopted two girls , one just last month. The father has a son from a previous marriage, but he doesn’t treat his girls any different then his son who is biological his.

It’s also kind like i think having a second baby many couples feel how could they love this baby more then their first child. Yet when the baby arrives they realize that love only grows and never shrinks, when it comes to a child. Werther their adopted or natural.

I am an adopted child and my parents had two bio children before they adopted two more kids, first a boy then then five years later me. The love they give us is different only because we are all very different. If adoption is something you really want to do, once that baby is given to you as your child you will go through a bonding period just like a bio child. For some people it takes a few moments sometimes longer but if this is what you truly want the bond will be just as strong.

Before deciding what complications if any come along with adopting before or after having your own, you need to consider the complications that come along with adopting full stop. You and your husband are not on the same page, biological birth to you is not important but adoption is - why? Biological birth is important to your husband - again why? If it is that important will he be able to be an impartial father or will he favour the biologically born one? Until you answer those questions, conversations surrounding which order to have children in shouldn't be taking place at all.

Trust me, this is NOT an issue in almost 100% of the cases. We have a "natural" son and 2 adopted daughters and all we feel for one we feel for the other. Love, pride, disappointments, joy, frustrations, and all of the other parenting feelings are there.

However, if you want to make sure, be a foster parent first. We were to see if we could love "someone else's" child and that convinced us beyond the shadow of a doubt. Be aware, however, that you get strongly attached to your foster children and when they go back home or to another foster home. . . it hurts, you cry, and forever wonder what happened to them unless you are allowed to keep in touch with them. Out of four we have been able to keep in touch with 2, one was adopted, and the other one we have lost track of as she never communicated back to us.

Our adopted girls came to us at 28mos and 4 days respectfully. The youngest just finished her first year of college. Would we do it again? In a heartbeat.

I too have had miscarriage after miscarriage ,I even went through IVF got pregnant with thrips but lost them all so I decided to adopt! I do have three bio logical children that are 20yrs, 17yrs and 14yrs that I love dearly. I have had some fear of not loving this child as much , but its only a fear , Everyone who knows what kind of person I am says I am great with all children. I always have children at my home and honestly I love them all. But as you were saying it is normal to have these fears. I think it runs through your mind because you are scared to make that step , beleive me I was there! Our daughter is due May 29 2007 by c-section ! We can not wait! Do not fret you will be fine. Just you considering adoption shows you are loving and caring! Goodluck!

We have four biological children, one adopted daughter and another son we are soon to adopt. Yes, you will love your adopted child as much as your son!!! I am sure that you love you husband very much. Your relationship with him is most likely just as deep and powerful as your love and relationship that you have with your parents. The difference is your husband is not biologically related to you and you are still able to love him as if he was. Although your love for an adopted child will be different than that with your husband, it will be just as deep and powerful as the love you have for your biological son. Good luck on this possible new adventure!