How can I convince my mother-in-law that my daughter doesn`t need to go to pre-school?

She's your daughter. In the end your MIL shouldn't have any say in the matter. She needs to accept that this is how you're raising your daughter--it sounds as if you are already keeping her pretty busy with a variety of fun activities and she is having the opportunity to learn both English and Japanese. Do you and your spouse speak English or Japanese at home? Maybe you could have a "Japanese day" one day a week when you all speak Japanese together at home (if you're not already doing that).

Your MIL is probably just worried that the Japanese culture will get left behind for American culture, try to reassure her that you are not trying to undermine your daughter's Japanese ancestry, you just don't want a burnt-out 3 year old on your hands!

I deliberately kept my children out of the first of the three years of Japanese kindergarten and feel that it was a good decision. Sending them for only the last year would have been a better decision. My reasons:

1. Extra time at home with mommy speaking English helped my oldest retain a little of it once she did start in the Japanese system. (Japanese all day, every day)

2. Because it isn't part of the Monbusho mandatory education, it is not free and it was a burden on our finances.

3. At 3, my kids were not ready to go all day, every day and I would have felt very bad watching them cry every day for a few weeks until they "got used" to youchien. They were very happy and ready for the group experience at 4 though.

The kindergarten they did go to feeds into the local public elementary school, so many of their friends were already made before they even started 1st grade. The transition into ichinensei (first graders) went very smoothly. The teachers do seem to have more troubles with a few children who never went to daycare or kindergarten and only stayed with mom or grandma all day, but I think that the moms and grandmas in these cases probably didn't have much structure in their days so the troubles were mainly due to not being able to do whatever the child wanted whenever the child wanted.

You may hear lots of comments from MIL on your decision but take them with a grain of salt if you can. Your child is only 3 now and these moments are precious and not to be wasted.

The solution is very simple, but unfortuantely it is not easy. I have had a lot of issues with my Mother-in-law butting into my life and now I'm not even speaking to her. You need to establish clear boundries ASAP. The easiest way for you to do this is to say something like, "While we really appreciate your concern and value your opinion, this is our decision, as this is our child. We can see why you would think she should be enrolled in daycare, but for these reasons (tell her your reasons) we feel it is ultimately best she stay at home."

Your Mother-in-law raised her kids. It is your turn. I know it is sometimes hard for Mother's to let go, but this isn't her decision. She has given you her "advice" and now it is up to you and your husband to make YOUR choice. If she keeps pushing the issue, then have your husband deal with her.

This is not her business, and honestly you shouldn't need to be "convincing" her of anything. You are the parents and YOU do what YOU think is best for YOUR child, end of story. This is not her choice, not her place.

Good Luck!

She's your child. You need to do what's best for your family no matter what mil thinks. Perhaps living above her is not the best idea? Leaving and cleaving means leaving - and if you can't physically than hubby must emotionally. Ask him to speak to her about what you've decided as a family for your daughter. If he won't than gently but firmly remind her that while you appreciate her concern and love having her in your daughter's life she is still YOUR daughter and you and hubby must do what you beleive is best for her.

in myho 3 is ridiculous age for school anyhow! Let her be a child for heaven's sake! You sound like you are doing wonderfully - and she seems to be getting plenty of education as far as Japan goes.

My mil is a former ps teacher and her reservations as well but she's come around. Sometimes it just takes time for them to see that you aren't turning your child into a wacko!

Best wishes!

You don't say this, but since you live in Japan, I assume MIL is Japanese. They are so very strong on education, which is the reason for Japanese children to be far ahead of American children. If she were American, I say tell her to mind her own business. You can't do that easily in Japan. Talk to your husband about this, since you seem to be trained to homeschool. Bicultural relations are often very sticky and this seems to be no exception. Wish I could offer you more than this.

if your daughter is already experiencing social interaction then i see no valid reason for sending to send her to a preschool. Studies recently have shown that behavior problems begin to result in the later years in children who spent alot of time in a daycare / preschool setting as youngsters (sorry, i dont remember where i read this story). Between daycare and being grandma's house, she will still remain fluent in your language. As her parent you are better able to know when and how your daughter responds to education best.

It sounds like you're doing everything right for your situation. You are the parent, so why do you need to convince your MIL? Also, you might get your hubby to get in on the conversation with his mother! I wouldn't waste a bunch of energy trying to convince her because she really doesn't have the say. You can explain to her your thinking, but you should not have to CONVINCE her.

Your mother-in-law may never be on your side, mine isn't.. she's a pre-school teacher. She and my father-in-law do not like us homeschooling. They haven't said anything this past year, good or bad. The way it went for us was we told them what we were going to do and they voiced their displeasure.. after a bit of back and forth (we never argued per se), we eventually had to let them know this was our decision, our children, not theirs.

Stand fast and she may eventually come around, if not then you do what you and your husband think best for your child/children.

It sounds to me like you're keeping her interactive with other children which will make starting school much easier for her. It doesn't matter what your mother-in-law thinks. She is your child and it is for you to decide whether or not she goes to pre-school. I wouldn't even argue with her over it - you don't even have to justify it. A simple "This was my and my husband's decision to make and we've made it" will suffice.

simple

stick to what you believe in

she eather will come around or she will have to deal with your decisions.

your kid do what you think is best.

but some times people see some things you don`t.

maybe find out exactly what they learn in pre school

and do some test with your mother in law.