Read my poem...........please?

i love the poem and hop ur not thinking of killing ur self. I like the term that u used "helpless eyes" unique. very unique

My dear young friend, Please re-read your poem and see the sadness that I see there! Life is not as bad as you feel it is, and it will get better if you just let it pass. Slitting your wrists is NOT an answer, it's a copout, and the way of a coward. I don't see a coward when I read your poem. I see someone who can reach out to others who feel the same way as you do, and help them to get over the hard times....but first you need to get over them in your own life. Life gets better when you see that you CAN make it through tough times. You taking your life, ends the lives of the children you may have one day, and their children, and theirs too...Is that what you WANT TO DO? You are not helpless, you are the only one who can truly help yourself right now. You have to be strong though, and you have to want to live to see things get better in your life. You can do it. I will pray for you. Imagine being so happy one day, seeing your children and the person you love sharing that happiness with you. You have to do all you can do to make it past this time, and go forward to what the future holds for you. Please try to make the change and get into the better things that are waiting for you? May the LOVE of the Lord be with you.

Your words touched me very deeply, and I will have you in my prayers. This is what good writing is all about, you touched your audience. Keep writing, and sharing with me.

<>< Love, Niki

Ok, so it's really good and proves a point but one thing--haven't you ever noticed that humorous poems have rhymings like that and it keeps that light tone to it. If you want this taken seriously, don't try to make every line rhyme unless it comes out that way when you write it.

if you want more people to read it, there's a site called fictionpress.com and you can create an account and post poems and stories on there. it's a good way for writers to get input from other writers.

I have a BA in English so I might know something about poetry. I doubt it but I've probably read more than most.

Your poetry can become more powerful if, rather than telling people how you feel, you show them why you feel that way. Something like, 'Loneliness my only companion, I told of my pain and loss, my friend listened endlessly, answering ony with silence and void,'

Hope that helps. If it does, don't hesitate to contact me.

This is sad...emotionally at leasat.

The rhymes are forced, making the emotion hard to relate to. I found myself wondering where you were going with each rhyme, instead of just reading it. A few misspellings made it hard to follow lower case i, tried, vein

But, if you really feel the way you wrote ... maybe you need to talk to someone.

This is a great poem. Is this how your family treat you when you're home? Or are you writing this for fun? Because I can tell you now that I don't like how the poem ends.

I think your poem is very. . .expressive. It's very good. I'm sorry if that is a reflective poem. I hope that you find that life is best spent living. I hope you find your strength and your peace. Most of all I hope you realize that they exist in you, you just need to find where.

Sounds like a cry for help. Not to be mean, but you might want to seek help. It was a good poem, though, it was just very very depressing.

Mikey

I really like it. It's very expressive. ^^ Not to shove my beliefs down your throat or anything like that, but if your life really is like that, maybe turning to God could help. Just a suggestion. Again, the peom was really great.

U have quite a talent for poetry, but I sincerely hope these are not ur true feelings! If they are, please seek help ASAP! Killing urself is not the answer. There are people out there who can help u. Please speak to a trusted friend or relative. U don't need to suffer alone.