Married for 36, mostly happy, years. Discovered that my husband is dating on the web,?

I don't suggest you do anything underhanded or behind his back. But I would confront him with what you know and how you know it.

It seems to me that the only way you found out about it was going online to his source for assignations--a singles website, etc. This would be easy enough if you share a computer, even if you have separate sign-ins.

Men can be unfulfilled in marriages; some resort to worse ways to find sex outside of it. That you are not as sexual as he isn't unusual. Men seem to have more desire when older, even if they can't do much about it. There's no reason why you can't gain more desire for sex, either. Older women are often sexier than when they were young due to factors like no kids at home, etc. Seek help from a counselor for this.

Maybe your husband hasn't done anything. Few women will jump into bed right off with a man she meets on the Web. They want to know who he really is. They'll find out he's married and that will end it. So this could run it's course and he'll forget about it. Especially since it will likely lead him nowhere.

I am not married, but I read some women magazines (from now let's say case A) and I know some married couple who experienced the same thing (From now lets say case B).

Case A

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In the magazine it is written that this phenomena is an indicator that the man is not getting what he wanted from the woman, and he seeks for it in the cyber world. In your case, as you know they are exchanging hot emails, then you might already know what they're talking about, what your husband interested in. If possible, try to make that need available in You, so that he will not need to look for it in other woman.

Case B

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This couple is married for 20 years and when the wive found out about her husband's 'hot sms' in his cellphone, she tried to confront him, with the help of her daughter and son. A huge fight of privacy, trust, and honesty occured, the family almost collapse, but they decided to keep the marriage for the sake of the children.

The decision is up to you, you are the best person who knows your husband, and you are the best person who can predict what will happen if you do which action.

I hope there is nothing serious between your husband and his cyber girl, and he will go back to you, his true love. Goodluck with the relationship.

it's not going to go away. spouses do not go through a "cheating phase" from a mid-life crisis or anything.

but remember that men and women consider "cheating" to be different things. Men don't really consider it cheating unless physical activity is involved (sex, kissing, hand holding, etc.) whereas women consider emotional attachment to another woman as worse than mindless sex, but it doesn't sound like you know he's done anything that he considers wrong. a hot email and a casual meal may be as far as it goes.

in all honesty, it sounds like his libido isn't any higher than it used to be or yours drastically less. more likely, he misses the excitement. missionary with the wife once or twice a week gets boring after a few years. with another woman, there's increased excitement as he knows nothing about her, there's all that sexual tension that builds up to it, he doesn't know if he'll ever have sex with her again, and of course the fact that it's really naughty and he might get caught. so it may not be too little sex, but a sex life that is not exciting enough, but again, he can get that "naughty" exhilaration from just a date and few dirty emails.

seriously, maybe you should speak with a therapist (like a marriage councelor or a sexual therapist) before making your accusation. he definitely needs to know that you feel like the trust has been violated if he doesn't consider it cheating. and if he's doing something HE considers cheating...then he may not be as honest as you think.

that being said, in the words of a wise man, "I'm a pretty good dog, but if you don't pet me every once in a while, it's tough to keep me under the porch."

well were are in almost the same situation, I confronted mine. He doesnt consider it cheating I do. He promised to never do it again but it has, Im not sure what Im going to do with my husband read my question above yours and lend your opinion. I say confront him and find out whats up with him. Beside you dont even want to know what kinda girl will meet someone after sending those kinda emails, if shes done it once shes probably done it before and he could catch something and bring it home to you.

I'd email her and start to chat. See where that takes you.

At some point I'd confront your husband and decide if you should stay together or seek help. You should find out if he would be remorceful and willing to make the changes to regain your trust.

Obviously "what you can give him at this stage" in your life is not enough. That is the issue that needs worked through.

so let him go and enjoy some sex he'll be back to you what's the big deal?