Why is my husband so selfish?

hi there how did we manage to marry the same kind of idiot .......that sounds just like my x-husband rude unpleasent ,and really selfish ,i did everything and he had the nerve to moan when things didnt please him ,how di i deal with it well i got to the point that i was leaving ,and told him and strangly enough that wakened him up lots as all of a sudden his world was going tpo change and to cut a long story short ,he said that things would change and he would help more (as if !!??)and it did for all about 3 days then it went back to the old ways and to be really honest i just wakened up one morning and thought i can do all the things im doing on my own with out him and my life will be better as i wont have to put up with his crap on a daily basis any more ,and that is what i did i found somewhere else to live and when he was at work i moved out and he has tried to get me to go back but im not going to do that at any point no matter what hesays .....and in fact ive meet someone how treats me like a human and not the cleaner .....and my life is so much better ........look that is how i decided to deal with that situation you only get one shot at this life and you have to make the best of it and move on and it working well for me ..........a saying i often use .....yesterday is gone ,tomorrow you can plan for .....today is a present !! good luck and take care xx

OK, here we go.......that was me up until about eight months ago. For me to get out of that funk my wife had to rock my world. She separated from me and divorce papers soon followed, she was done. Only by the grace of God are we back together.

The sad thing was I never saw it coming, I was clueless. The only time she would say anything was when she blew up about something, then it all came out in her rage. Men don't respond well when being attacked or yelled at. After her blow up session she would always come back and apologize and tell me that she could never leave me and so on. I put it off on her hormones, I just could never except or believe that she would leave me. I can't fully explain why we get like this, I definitely needed a wake up call and we are happier now than we ever have been.

Hopefully you don't get to that point, it was so stressful, painful and costly. But it was also worth it. Try getting through to him in a non-confrontational way at first. If he blows you off don't give up, he just doesn't get it. He will lose you if things don't change and he needs to know that, because right now he is clueless just like I was. Wish you the best, I'll pray for you and your family.

This isn't fun. I think you should wait for a moment when he feels OK, cuddle with him, and bring up the subject smoothly.

Start by saying that you feel things haven't worked the way they used recently, and that it hurts you. You would like to feel back on track together.

Then ask him how he feels. We women have the tendency to need to vent and talk, and to forget to listen to them too.

Be ready to hear what he has to say once you ask though.

Let him talk, and let him finish.

Then tell him that you understand his point before answering.

As for his son and grandson, rather than ask why he's being so distant, ask him if he realizes that he's being distant. It's much less accusatory.

------ (After reading your comment):

====> Then ask yourself the real question. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?

After trying to talk for a while, and not seeing any changes, you have two options: stay with him and accept that this is who he is while enjoying your life, or move on.

Go to a conselour. Or you can try getting up and leaving when he's talking and giving him a taste of his own medicine. Write to him, he might read it and take it to heart. Before you give him the letter sit him down and just tell him your worried about him, there could be something going on in his life- feeling inadequate or like a bad father/husband- that u haven't picked up on. just be patient at first.

I think it's pretty selfish of him to act this with you and your son and his grandchild....It comes a point in life where you should be appreciating the family you have and try to spend quality time with them...I think you feel only as you let someone treat you and if he is miserable then you shouldn't allow yourself to feel miserable with him...It's important that he knows how you feel about him and how important it is to have him share his time with you and his family but, if he chooses to act this way then you won't allow it to affect you or your son or your grandchild...I hope he opens his eyes and realizes that life isn't guarantee......

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If he just started acting this way, then it is probably something going on with him. Some men have a problem talking about what is bothering them and they act out in other ways. That could be what is going on here. Try your best to make him listen to you and find out what is going on.

don't take it so hard, alot of men are like that, my daddy is the same. It's not that he doesn't love you or the kids, it's just that he may sometimes be upset about something and doesn't wanna talk about it, so he keeps quiet, that's just his personality and you have to accept that. Again, I don't think it's because he is selfish or doesn't love you, it's just his way of expressing (or rather, NOT expressing!) himself.

Sounds like you have been putting up with this for awhile if you have grandchildren!! Sounds like your living in his world and need to make a world of your own. AS long as you put up with this, nothing will change, it's up to you to make the changes that are needed. Good Luck!!

I hate to start out by asking you to "blame the victim," but check to see if there's anything you're doing to trigger this in him. You could even ask him about this. If you're not a major cause of this disrespectful behavior of his, then I'd say he's not worth it.

But, you could go to therapy to hash things out or get confirmation that he's not worth it.