my 9 year old boy has a mind of his own and doesnt mind anyone.?

Question

I’m usually Mr Know how and Mr can fix it and don’t find myself in these situations. But I need advice.

My boy is less than 7 days away from turning 9, sweet boy, does not, scream in anger nor exhibit anger, He doesn’t  talk back and has a nice brain he came third on his class, he is always running through the house hugging me, etc…
 But two things concern me about him, a carefree attitude, more precisely lack of responsibility with his things or the sense of value of things toys no matter how expensive and durable last no more than hours or days before they are broken and destroyed. then he jumps into my belongings watches, glasses laptop anything he can lay his hands on he will destroy it,  but I’ve watched other kids his age and they don’t proceed the way he does around stuff, Several times for periods of up to a year, I’ve cut on buying toys and games consoles as punishment method, but when you think he's learned a lesson bam! He does it again. Though he performs well in school and is well liked by his peers an teachers, he doesn’t like to study, preferring cartoons But that is not the problem the problem is that I worry, will he ever be capable of taking care of his things, I don’t know how many pencils and crayon, and colouring sets he’s lost the pencil he took in the morning won’t return home. And when inquired about it he doesn’t even know how to account for it. At times it happens at home while we are doing his HW together. Lunch boxes lost don’t even want to start with that. He studies at an expensive school so all his peers got cell/mobile phones and gadgets but after a bad experience with it we, decided not to buy him one. And what is funny is the fact that depriving him from such possessions was suppose to work as punishment, a catalyser for reflection and change in attitude, but my God he doesn’t seem to mind or care. Its effect is no less than that of a needle in a haystack if not lesser. 

That brings me to the second part I’m sorry I know I’m going too long but help this young man [me] please. I mean I shower this kid with love I make sure I spend time prophesying over speaking blessings about his future making sure he hears that he is great cute, and special for what he is, spend time I mean he knows he is my world. Only God comes first. And he’s not over spoiled. None of that we’re to realists.  
But he seems to have a mind of his own, though he doesn’t like to have last word and never argues with anybody at home, he never does as he is told to even in the most simple of things. Don’t do this he doesn’t even complain as his younger sister who is 5, but he’ll never do what you told him to, I don’t like spanking I’ve done it a couple of punishments like time outs take the game away, and even some occasional spanking but he does not seem to have the spirit of guilt or responsibility, and without complaining keeps on the behaviour that was forbidden just minutes before. His sister younger who is 5, acts a lot but does as she is told is more careful with things and perceives the value thereof. As well as she takes care of herself a little better, of course we avoid comparing them. But she can tell her older brother don’t sleeps in the mud is dirty or don’t play near the trash etc, etc…This guy is becoming the eternal “baby”. And as a man I’m desperate, I think he lack the discipline necessary to take care of himself and most importantly learn...(which is very important in life and for life) man sometimes I prefer a rebel that talks back so you can identify the problem and fix it. My mom urges me to have patience and be persistent always reminds me that being a parent is a full time job, and people tell me my dad was like that a kid, an he does resemble my dad quiet but stubborn as a mule. And I don’t want him to turn like him.
How can we go about this boy?  I’m afraid he’s not growing up fast enough. Nothing seems to work and won’t be able to learn/have/gain self discipline from an earlier age, which is crucial for life and when I cannot be there for him forever, there are things he will need to do alone…and don’t to over criticize him and end up affecting his self esteem…

 I’m sorry I was too long and the text is not a masterpiece of punctuation, I’ll prone my grammar when time is on my side.

theflynnmom · Accepted Answer

Using praise and punishments consistently should work. Being consistent is key. Punishments should also be appropriate. If he damages something that belongs to someone else, he should be made to apologize and perhaps not be allowed to watch television or play video games for at least a day or two. Maybe you should start requiring him to do chores and give him an allowance. Besides birthdays or holidays, the only toys he is allowed to get would be with his own money. This might teach him to be appreciative of the value of things. If this doesn't work, and he truly seems to show no concern for his own actions, maybe he should be taken to a behavioral specialist.

Anonymous · Answer

Your son may have some type of a learning disability. You can be smart as a whip but still have other issues. Get him tested first to rule out any possibility. Persistence is the key to good parenting. When my son doesn't do as he is asked I physically do it with him. I take his hands and do the task with him as he is my puppet, I'll walk behind him, bent him and use his hands to do things. He doesn't like this because he likes his Independence. He'll do it by himself the next time he is asked. It may not work the first time but don't give up and never feel bad for anything you do that makes your child a better person. Good luck.

boricua_2290 · Answer

So OK it seems to me you have a normal young man in your hands who enjoys your attentions and just simply is testing on how far can he go? You are doing a wonderful job with him so far as I read your are caring parent and like you I had the same problem.. Have you ever heard of A.D.H.D well is diferents stages on this I am sure you know what this is.. My son has this and he needed a bit more attention than your son does my son is in a stage that he needed medications to help him focus, that may not be the case of your child but just to be sure you should have him tested for this because some of the charasteristics I read of your child reminds me of some of my sons behavior.. Like getting in to things he doesn't suppose to and not seems to care of the things that belongs to him like he brakes everything and nothing last in his hands.. I also recomend some therapy to help him organize his everyday things like his homework and responsabilities just have someone evaluate him they will give you more information on what to do.. you can either have him evaluated by a children phsycologist or school. If this bothering you so much you should do something about it to make sure he is one hundred percent where he suppose to be.. Like I said it may not be a case of A.D.H.D but it's on the child best interest to have him evaluated and have a doctors point of view on his behavior.. Other than that I think you have a wonderful kid.. and a wonderful parent.. good luck. and don't worry about your grammar and punctuation is a hek better than mines.. and my check spelling thing is not working LOL
have a nice day.

T. · Answer

He is extremely BORED!  My son was the same he's now 15 & still the same...  His intellegence is beyond what you think it is...  Get him models, break apart something & ASK him to put it back together...  find a way for an outlet of this...  It is not a disfunction - trust me - he is not totally acting out...  he is though, totally bored to tears!  Get out machanical parts that need repairing...  the lawn mower, the radio sitting in the garage.  Tell him to look up on line for guidelines / instructions & then leave him a lone...  When he comes to you with the project completed, be ready for another - & PRAISE HIM for his accomplishments!  (but don't over do it - because he already knows he's good at this stuff).

My son hates school!  He knows each teacher's character, he knows who is "real" & who is there for a job with summer breaks!  And the teachers who are not for real fear him...  They cause him so much grief, because they do not understand him...  He can be a smart asz - trust me I know...  I allow him to be hisself, but I don't allow him to disrespect me.  

As for the broken things...  they are things! You're doing good not to replace them.  Once you get in synch with the give & take part of this & help him to come into his own the rewards will be fabulous!  Look up gifted children online...  

Your son sounds a lot like mine!  Don't abandon these ideas here, give them a shot...  Take them in - help him find his "nitch" & watch him soar!!!

Anonymous · Answer

Yikes

goodnatured69 · Answer

maybe he's selling his stuff when he's at school. have you tried TALKING to him about the values of material stuff and how to take care of them, because those things doesn't grow on trees and you have to work for it. he's smart maybe he'll understand simple economics. whatever stuff he looses, dont buy him again. 

as for your belongings, keep it out of his reach

Anonymous · Answer

he sounds spoiled rotten and has never been taught to respect anyone or anything..
"I think he lack the discipline necessary to take care of himself and most importantly learn."-- you think right.

likeablerabbit_loose · Answer

see a doctor.

Yogi · Answer

The belt works wonders.

aaron · Answer

he is still a child.y trouble him unnecessarily ?he is fine

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my 9 year old boy has a mind of his own and doesnt mind anyone.?

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