Should I continue in this relationship?

Question

I've been with this man for almost 14 years. I found out he was married, but separated after we had been together for over 3 months. He swore that he and his wife had been legally separated for 2 years at the time I met him and he didn't think it was a big deal not telling me. Of course by the time I found out I was already in deep with him and my heart wouldn't let me let go. Now almost 14 years later I'm going through this bazaar crap with his wife calling me and going off as though she has a right to interfere with his and my life. We don't live together, but we are together in our home 3-4 nights a week. He's a farmer so he has to be on the ranch to tend to things the other nights. Anyway, this recent thing with his wife calling me is really getting on my nerves and he tip toes around with regard to her and I'm supposed to tread lightly and not do anything to upset the situation further. I'm sick of being last on his list. I still love him very much but should I continue with this?

Patience · Accepted Answer

14 years, as you must know, is a long time to throw away solely because of the ex getting on your last nerve, and him lying (hiding the truth) more than fourteen years ago. However being last on his list, is something that after fourteen years of putting up with, i highly doubt will change for you.

I suggest, if you can, to take some time away, and see whether or not this relationship is helping ,or hurting any goals and desires that you may have for yourself. 

The first step is to realize what you want from life, then put him into the picture..."Can you envision your life without him?" Etc.

If you stay, stay with no regrets. If you leave, leave with no regrets.

Cutie Pie · Answer

He's married. It seems he has been lying to you for 14 years. If you can't understand that then there is no purpose of anyone telling you to leave. I don't care how much in love someone is. Once you find they are married and they kept it from you. You need to ask yourself why did he lie????? Bump all that to protect the relationship y'all have mess. He did it cause he probably wasn't nor isn't legally seperated. Basically you are the mistress. He probably still lives with her when he's not at your house and he lies to her like he does to you.


Also what makes you think after 14 years he will be faithful to you or not lieto you let alone marry you?

memememe · Answer

After 14 years together you still aren't married? Sorry to say it but I doubt he will amazingly change how he acts - and after 14 years if he is still tip toeing around, you might just be last on his list forever.

mari · Answer

I don't think he is being completely honest with you. Sit down with him & get to the bottom of this before you stress yourself out even more. You should love yourself more.

Timeless · Answer

Dear Hopeless Romantic,

You should ditch this bum if your pissed off at him all the time. Life is to live it and if he's ruining it for you then you need to leave him behind and move on.

Anonymous · Answer

why do you folk choose to write a thesis ? 4 lines will suffice. anyway stay with him. you already did fo 14 yrs right ?

Anonymous · Answer

If I were you, I would not rock the boat...you do not have enough brains to get a life, so leave it as it is.

Anonymous · Answer

Is the pain worse than the pleasure you find with him?

Quasimodo · Answer

Sure,,,why not. Doesn't seem to bother you enough to do anything about it other than to ask a question here does it?

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Should I continue in this relationship?

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