How can I be assertive, concerning fidelity?

Im going be honest on two fronts.

1) You have no right to tell her she cannot talk to this person period. Letting her know how you feel about the person is one thing but trying to tell her she cannot talk to him is over the line (and she obviously agrees)

2) Im sorry to tell you but her defensiveness is rather unsettling. When i casually brought up a fidelity issue with my girlfriend she respected and understood my position and reassured me not just verbally but with evidence. (made me feel like an idiot) When someone takes a defensive stance it usually hints to some guilt.

Let's be honest here.

If you plan on spending your life with her, and she the same, you guys can not have trust issues. There is no such thing as a relationship without trust. I think if she called you a jealous control freak...that shows a defensive side to her...possibly because she knows she did something wrong. Let me give you this to you from a girls point of view:

There is absolutely no reason as to why she or any girl in that long of a relationship should be talking that way to a guy.

Wait it out..see how it goes, and then approach it.

Hope I could help.

Why not show her this question? It says it all, and it is actually sometimes easier to make a delicate point in writing than in person. That way the point is not delivered with any inflection or expectation; it is just words, and words that can be re-read for clarification and reviewed at the reader's convenience. It's an idea. That said, however; jealousy is by far the most destructive of our human emotions. See if you can pull yourself out of that mindset before you approach a subject like this. Are you being fair and trusting? Are you treating her the way you would expect to be treated? Just some food for thought.

If she cannot end her behavior now. Then let her know its over. You have no idea how long they have had contact and what all has gone on. Maybe he calls her sugar lips because hes put some "white stuff" on her lips..lol

No, but really. I went through this with my bf. He continued to talk to other females when I asked him to stop. It blew up into a big mess.

Be strong and dont be afraid to walk away. 2 years is a long time, but a lifetime is even longer.

Tell her that it makes you uncomfortable and makes it harder for you to trust her when she is still flirting with or seeing other guys and if your relationship means enough to her then she will understand and comply, if not, then it's up to you to decide if you want to stay with her or not. When you plan on being with someone for the long haul, their feeling should be just as if not more important than your own. And you should be more important than a guy friend that sends her flirty texts.

I would just be as honest with her as you were in writing this down.If it were the other way around,I doubt she would be comfortable with it either.The sugar lips is a bit much.I have a male friend that has been my friend since I was 11.He is like a brother to me,I would never give our friendship up.He doesn"t call me sugar lips either.

Does not sound as exclusive as you think. She needs a better explanation. She attacks rather than answers calmly; guilty.